No Trivia
by WellWishes
Summary: "Would you be depressed, if I attend that wedding, but only as a guest?" Can Tori watch Jade walk down the aisle and let her slip away? Future fic. Based on the song No Trivia by From Autumn to Ashes
1. No Trivia

**A/N: (Reuploaded to fix some mistakes, although I've probably missed a lot more)**

**Future fic based on the song _No Trivia_ by From Autumn to Ashes. Jori, some Bade and lots of Tandre friendship.**

**Disclaimer: I own neither Victorious or the song. If I did, I'd be happily touring the world while writing Jori storylines for each episode ;)**

**Song lyrics are in _bold italics_, flashbacks in **_italics_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Would you be depressed?<br>**__**If I attend that wedding  
><strong>__**But only as a guest.**_

I sat on the edge of my couch with my fingers laced together on top of my knees to keep them from anxiously fiddling with one another, my eyes fixed on the coffee table, on the small, white envelope that lay in front of me, torn along the edge with just a few tiny little nicks here and there where the glue had caught and ripped the paper.

The envelope had only been touched three times, once when I first got it, once when I finally worked up the courage to open it, then again, just a few minutes ago, when I took it from where it had been stuck to the refrigerator door for the past few months and placed it on the table.

I felt sick just looking at it, knowing the meaning behind it, something that should be such a happy time only serving to make my already aching heart splitter and crack. For inside lay a wedding invitation, on ivory parchment, every letter of every word skilfully written in calligraphy, so beautiful, yet so tauntingly painful to see.

The names of the bride and groom, which were inked onto the invitation in dark silver, were now slightly blotted and stained with a few small tears drops. The just legible names of _Beckett James Oliver _and _Jadelyn West_- soon to be Mr and Mrs Oliver, in a day's time- mocked me as soon as I'd opened that envelope and caught a glimpse of what I had been dreading for too long now…

I was brought out of my transfixed gaze by loud taps at my apartment door, the instantly recognisable five beat rhythm of my best friend's usual knock not even enough to bring a smile to my face. I got up from the position I had slumped myself into and crossed the small distance to the door, opening it to reveal the beaming face of Andre Harris, who stood in the hallway in a bulky leather jacket that zipped all the way up to just under his chin, shielding him from the October chill that had settled itself in LA over the last week.

"Why, if it isn't my best bud, Tori Vega!" He greeted enthusiastically, gathering me up into a crushing hug that I didn't really want, but still let the man hold me tight for a moment before releasing me, allowing me to breathe again.

"Who else did you expect?" I said, trying to make my tone joking, but only succeeded in bitter, maybe broken.

"Hey, don't be like that!" Andre's voice softened when he caught my tone. He chucked me lightly on the chin with his knuckles before stepping into the apartment, removing his jacket and hanging it on one for the coat hooks to the right of the door way, stuffing his hands into the front pockets of the dark jeans he was wearing afterwards.

"Sorry." I muttered, automatically leading him over to the kitchen to make coffee, a habit I had gotten into whenever he, or a certain other person, turned up on my doorstep. "I'm just in a bad mood."

"Let me take a wild guess why." Andre sighed. He had walked away from me as the kettle began to boil, over to the couch I had previously occupied. He picked up the little white envelope and waved it in my direction.

I nodded, unable to lie to the guy. He was the only person who knew why such a thing would make me feel so hurt, save for one other, who just happened to be the cause of every horrible feeling I felt right now. He was the first person I had confided my feelings to once I had managed to figure out their true meaning, all those years ago when we were still in high school, and remained the only one I could talk to about them, whenever I needed to. Not that ever I wanted to, especially not recently. I'd much rather forget.

"Tor." Andre was by my side again, taking the kettle from my slightly shaking hand to pour the water into our mugs. "I thought you said you were over this."

"That's what I _said_, Andre." I snapped, unable to help myself. "But do you really think I meant it?"

"I didn't believe a word." He smiled half heartedly; handing me my coffee- black, two sugars, an addicting taste- and tugging me back to the couch where we sat in silence for a while, each sipping at our respective drinks.

"Are you going?" My friend asked after a short time, placing his mug on the table, beside the envelope.

I shrugged. "It's tomorrow."

"That doesn't answer the question."

I huffed, placing my own mug down before falling back against the sofa. "I don't know if I can. It's bad enough just thinking about it, let alone actually seeing it."

Andre placed his large, warm hand on my knee as I ran my fingers through my already messy hair. I hadn't bothered with tidying myself up this morning, as I knew I'd be spending the day slumped around the house, in no mood to leave, so I now sat beside my casually dressed best friend in the scruffiest, yet most comfortable clothes that I had thrown on once I dragged myself out of bed.

"This is really eatin' at ya, isn't it?"

"No shit." I replied moodily.

"I think you should go." Andre continued, as if he hadn't heard me.

"Brilliant idea!" I snorted sarcastically, throwing my arms in the air with a scowl. "Let me add that to the list of things I never want to do!"

Andre failed to suppress a snigger as he nudged me with his elbow. "She's really rubbing off on you." He commented.

I dropped my head into my hands in despair. "Don't say that!" I whined. That was the last thing I wanted, to be reminded of her by all the bad habits I'd picked up from over the years.

Andre slung an arm over my shoulders, pulling me into his body so my head rested against his chest, the sound of his heart beating in a soothing rhythm filling my ears.

"I'm serious." He spoke quietly, fingers threading through my tangled hair in an effort to comfort me. "You should go. For some closure on this whole mess of a relationship you guys built up. It'll hurt, I know, but it might help you get over it."

I couldn't help the small sniffle that escaped me as I moved away from him, eyebrows creased in sudden anger. "So, you're taking Beck's side now?"

"I'm on no one's side!" Andre said quickly, raising his hands in defence. "I just want you all to be happy, and if Jade marrying Beck makes them happy, then I've got to find a way to keep you smiling too!"

I cringed at his words, 'Jade marrying Beck', it made me feel sick again.

"But, how do you know she's truly happy with Beck? If she was, she wouldn't have been cheating on him with me for so long! If she was, then why does she come running to _me_ whenever they had an argument or a break up or something stupid!" I retorted, fist thumping into the soft cushions either side of me in annoyance.

"There's only one way to find out." Andre lent over the table and snatched up the invite, handing it to me. "Go. Find out how she truly feels, or you're going to regret just sitting here doing nothing about it for the rest of your life."

_Xxx_

_**M 4 V T C and H  
>Might need to provide this number at the gate<br>Steady pilot 'cause I'm half afraid.  
>Can't believe you'd ask me that, of course I don't believe in fate.<strong>_

Hours later, I found myself showered, dressed smartly and in an airport, being shunted along by the mass crowds who never seemed to be on time for their plane but were always in a hurry to get where they needed to be. Andre had pinned himself to my side so I had no chance of changing my mind and escaping, which I had tried the whole trip up here, and now shoved me through security as my feet didn't seem to want to move on their own.

I glanced over as I went through, at the stereotypically overweight security guard who sat on the sidelines 'observing' the comings and goings of all passengers. He was actually sat with his feet up on a stool, a donut in one hand, a magazine in the other the front page of which was smeared with the latest celebrity gossip, including, I could just make out from here, the news of an upcoming Broadway playwrite and a young Hollywood movie star who were to be wed the very next day.

I tried to turn and run again, but Andre put his hand out to stop me, shaking his head firmly. "You've got to do this, Tori. For both of your sake."

I felt powerless as he turned me back around and gave me a soft shove to continue moving.

Beck had asked Andre to be the best man at his wedding, as the two of them had been the closest of friends since high school, even sharing an apartment together after graduation. Maybe they weren't as close as Andre and I, but there was still no denying their friendship, and that made Beck think he was the perfect choice.

If only he knew the secret his best friend was keeping from him, about the two girls he'd caught in a compromising position in the janitor's closet one day during school-

_A year._

_It had been a whole year since an argument had gotten a little out of hand, turning into the very unexpected- a spur of the moment decision, a shove against a wall, an assault on the lips- and, for some reason, Jade felt the need to 'celebrate' this._

_Another shove against the wall, the wall of the infamous janitor's closet- thankfully janitor free- and I grunted a little in pain when my back connected with the hard brick. Things were hardly ever soft and slow and easy, but some sick part of me enjoyed that, so when Jade's mouth was forcefully pressed to mine, a mumble of "This has to be quick" muffled between our lips, I couldn't refuse._

_Clothes weren't even fully taken off, just pushed roughly out of the way of wherever the hand wished to explore. Kisses were hurried, clumsy, but still oh so intoxicating and the fact we were at school, sneaking around just after the start of fourth period, only heightened the thrill._

_Moans were silenced by lips that never left my body, be it my mouth, throat, collarbone, wherever they could reach. Tongues duelled in a quest for dominance that I always lost in the end, but also served to stifle any scream of pleasure that escaped me as the goth girls fingers set to work._

_But apparently it wasn't enough to block out every sound, as the little noises that leaked though would echo into the empty corridor, causing curious passers by to wonder what on earth could be going on and come to investigate._

_Like Andre._

_The door I was facing, usually locked but that had been forgotten in haste, cracked. My eyes flickered open at the slight creak, that Jade didn't notice, and I watched, as if in slow motion, as a face peered around the gap they had made, then a gasp escaped both his and my lips, both of shock, but one mixed with pleasure._

_Jade still hadn't noticed, as her mouth as back on mine, and the hum I made to get her attention was muffled between hungry kisses. She pulled back in concern when she didn't get the response she desired and saw my wide eyes staring over her shoulder in shock, fear, humiliation, I couldn't decide._

_She turned and, although I felt her tense, her composure managed to remain cool. She looked Andre up and down as he stood frozen on the spot, his head sticking slightly through the doorway as he didn't seem to be able to move from shock._

"_Whatever you think you see, Harris, you don't." Jade's low, menacing tone cut through the stunned silence._

_The boy gulped and nodded before making a hasty retreat._

"Tori?"

I snapped out of my daze at the sound of my name. Somehow, we'd made it to the airplane and were now seated side by side, me at the window, Andre in the middle, an empty seat to his left; apparently window seats made the darker boy nauseous. I had no idea how or when we got here, having been too lost in old memories, but I knew there was no turning back now. I was stuck on a long flight to New York, unprepared to face whatever was waiting for me at the other end.

"Tori?" Andre repeated, this time accompanied by his hand clasping mine. "Come on, chick. You look like you're about to throw up."

"I can't do this, Andre." I muttered, my head falling forward in despair, my hair shielding my face as tears threatened to spill. "I can't see her. It's been months! Months without a single word and now I'm expected to turn up at her wedding!"

I was getting angry now, but I wasn't sure who at. Andre for dragging me here? Jade for putting me in this mess? Beck for taking her away? Or… myself? I took a deep breath to steady myself, fighting back against the sting in my eyes. I couldn't cry again, I'd shed enough tears for her. I hadn't cried since I forced myself to open that damn invitation and I wasn't going to do it now.

I heard Andre sigh beside me, and then felt him reach over to buckle my seatbelt in place as the pilots' voice filling the cabin, drowning out the dull chatter from the other passengers. I wasn't listening. I'd been on airplanes often enough to know the safety speeches by heart, but most of me didn't care in the first place. A morbid thought crossed my mind, that maybe the plane would come down and I wouldn't have to deal with this mess, but I quickly shook myself out of that way of thinking, I couldn't take out so many innocent people just because I couldn't handle a wedding.

Not a word was spoken between Andre and I. He fell back against the seat, his PearPod on and earphones stuffed firmly in place so he could listen to the latest demos he was working on, while I stared off into space, not wanting to think, but unable to stop myself. Memories I'd tried so hard to forget kept unlocking and unravelling themselves in my mind, fighting for the attention that I didn't want to give them. Over these past few months since that invite, every time I closed my eyes, or there was a moment's silence, they'd be there, haunting me, taunting me, laughing at the pathetic girl who couldn't get what she wanted.

An air stewardess passed by with one of those huge trolleys laden with all sorts of overpriced airline food. With Andre now taking a nap, and before I could stop myself, I asked for the biggest, most expensive bottle of wine they had, saying it was in celebration for a wedding, when she raised an eyebrow at me, when really, it was to drown my sorrows over one.

"Yours?" She questioned when handing me the bottle and two glasses, one for me, one for Andre.

"I wish." I muttered bitterly.

Another eyebrow raise, but the stewardess kept up her good nature despite it. "A beautiful girl like you? I'm sure he'll be down on one knee soon." She nodded in the direction of Andre's sleeping form and winked.

"Oh." My eyes widened in realisation and I forced a smile. "Oh, no, no. Not him. We're just friends."

"Ah." She nodded. "But, still, who ever they are would be a fool if they don't snatch you up soon."

She winked again and continued on her way down the aisle as I opened up the wine, pouring myself a large glass. I shouldn't be drinking this, not so early in the day at least, but I needed the nerve to get though, so if that meant getting tipsy at the least, then I'd take all the liquid confidence I could get my hands on. Andre would kill me for it when he wakes up, but he's too busy snoring right now to stop me.

I took a moment to swirl the wine around the glass, watching the deep red colour spin. I hadn't exactly become an alcoholic, but I'd certainly been drinking a lot more over these passed few months. It's numbing. It blocks out all the bad thoughts that create storm clouds in my brain and helps me forget, forget about her, about this mess and about this stupid wedding. But just as I'm about to take a sip, a hand grabbed my glass, pulling it away from my lips.

"Woah, what are you doing, girl?" Andre asked in a hushed tone, as if wine drinking is suddenly illegal or something. He was a much lighter sleeper than I thought.

"Toasting the happy couple." I muttered darkly, tugging the glass from his grip, taking a gulp before he could stop me.

"Tori." His voice switched to concerned. "What have I told you about slippery slopes?"

"Be sure there's enough grip on your tires in winter in case there's ice?"

Andre glared at my sarcasm. "You know what I mean. I saw that empty wine bottle in your trash. I'm not letting you destroy yourself with alcohol just because of J-"

"Don't say her name!" I shush him rather loudly, flapping a hand in front of his face to quiet him down. I couldn't hear her name right now, I couldn't even think it without feeling a prang of hurt in my heart.

"Alright, alright, calm down!" Andre said quietly, snatching my wrist to stop my waving arm. "But no drink for you. I'm not letting you go into this drunk as a skunk, okay? You'll end up doing something stupid."

"Like this isn't stupid enough." I countered.

"We'll see." The dark boy sighed, taking my wine bottle and shoving it into his bag so I could no longer get it. Then he took my glass again and downed the rest of the liquid with a smile, quirking his eyebrow at me when I scowled his way and pouted. "Not gunna work." He added, waggling a finger at me.

I childishly sulked for the rest of the flight, but Andre ignored my behaviour, in fact, he seemed to find it amusing. I shook my head and turned away from him, opting to watch the clouds surrounding us float by as we zoomed though the air.

Xxx

_**Would you be depressed,  
><strong>__**If I attend that wedding,  
><strong>__**But only as a guest?  
><strong>__**Such an unfaithful bride  
><strong>__**Draped in a dress  
><strong>__**Threads of my-**_

I'd managed to slip away from my minder. Andre had been called by Beck the second we landed in New York, the groom begging him to get to the hotel fast to help out with some last minute details for the wedding. Just over hearing the conversation made me sick.

We managed to get to where we were staying in record time, Andre collected our key, as he made sure we were staying in the same room- with separate beds of course- then dumped me and his stuff inside before rushing off again to catch a cab and meet up with Beck, warning me that I 'better still be here when he gets back or else.'

I had half a mind to ignore him and run for it, but something was keeping me in place. Some stupid, buried deep hope that told me I'd made it this far, I might as well see where it goes from here. So I dropped myself onto the end of my bed, wondering what to do… then I spotted it. Andre may have been able to take my wine away on the plane, but he couldn't keep me from the mini bar. Or room service.

So that's why I found myself, who knows how long later, laying face down on my bed with an empty bottle clutched in one hand and my nose buried deep into the thin pillow they had provided. It doesn't take much to get me drunk, something I'm actually pretty glad about on a night out because it costs me less than it would for most of my friends, but there were still half drunk bottles littered around me where I'd decided to taste test everything the place had to offer, which was quite a lot.

I was slipping in and out of consciousness and I'd have been quite happy to just pass out, but the faded memories were once again slipping through the cracks, laughing at me, feeding on my hopeless heart. They brought me back to when this all began, a drunken party so long ago.

_I walked around the big, unfamiliar house in a daze, a red cup full of some obviously spiked punch held tightly in one hand, but I wasn't complaining. We were at the house party of some Hollywood Arts student I hardly knew, but Andre said he did and had insisted that I come along to have some fun and at least keep him company; he was the designated driver, meaning he had to remain stone cold sober all night._

_Somewhere along the line, however, Andre and I had managed to lose each other when I went off to fill my cup up for the fourth (maybe fifth?) time, despite him telling me to take it easy- it was a party, why couldn't I have a little fun?. That's why I stumbled around the place, pushing past hoards of drunken dancing people on the look out for my friend._

_I made it to a corridor, deserted save for the couple that were vigorously making out against a wall, but I ignored them and they ignored me as I passed by. I pressed my ear to every door I came across, searching for a familiar voice, hoping Andre had sneaked off to some place quiet instead of staying with the loud, obnoxious party goers all insisting he joined in their drinking games._

_At the final door I heard a noise. I heard someone speak and in the back of my mind I knew I recognised that voice, but couldn't put a finger on it. Whoever it was, my drunken thoughts told me they may be able to help me out, so I pushed the door open._

_It took my eyes a moment to adjust to the lack of light, but when they did, I froze. I'd walked in on Beck and Jade, lying on a half made bed in what seemed to be the middle of a heated make out session. My heart leapt and jammed in my throat, my alcohol fuzzed mind couldn't think of what to do and I just stood there, gawping at them in stunned silence. It took them a few moments to realise I had walked in and when they did, they jumped apart, neither looking too pleased at my arrival._

"_Vega!" Jade spat as she adjusted her shirt that Beck's hand had been under just seconds ago. "What the _fuck_ are you doing here! Get OUT!"_

_I nodded dumbly, but couldn't move. My feet felt like they were stuck to the floor with super glue and my limps felt frozen solid. It's not like I hadn't seen the couple kissing before, in the corridors at school, in the parking lot, anywhere I turned… but this was different. This wasn't one of those public displays of affection, it was a private moment I'd just stupidly stumbled in on and it made my stomach twist into a hard knot, bile burn at the back of my throat and a wave of pure jealously made my eyes sting with tears. _

_And in that moment, it hit me. An undeniable realisation reared its ugly head and I saw it. I saw every time the couple had kissed in front of me and I had to turn away with some unexplainable feeling in the pit of my stomach, prodding at my heart. I saw every time Beck slung his arm around Jade's shoulder and all I wanted to do was push it away and I didn't know why. I saw- to my horror- that the friendship I so desperately craved from Jade was not that, but more. _

_Much more. _

_A crush. _

_A love. _

_An inescapable need for her._

_And I didn't even noticed she'd gotten up off the bed until her palms pressed to my shoulders, goosebumps erupting where they lay, then shoved me roughly backwards, out of the room as she muttered something about being more of an idiot drunk than I was sober._

_I just caught Beck's worried and confused look over Jade's shoulder- the latter still glaring daggers at me- before the door was slammed in my face. I stumbled, my back hitting the wall behind me with more force than I expected and I slid down it, sinking to the floor until my legs were curled up, my arms wrapped around them and my forehead pressed to my knees._

"_It's the alcohol." I tried to reassure myself out loud. "Nothing but the alcohol. You're drunk, Tori, you have to go home."_

_After several seconds, or minutes, days- I have no idea how long I was curled up on the floor for- I got up, using the wall as a guide, I staggered to my feet, even more determined to find Andre than I was before._

_The next thing I knew, Andre was helping me through the front door of my house, making soft comforting sounds in an attempt to calm me down. I was sobbing, tears streaming down my face and I didn't know why. I was babbling too, only the odd word making sense like, "accident" "sorry" "don't know" "help."_

_He helped me sit on the couch; my parents and Trina were sound asleep upstairs but I still tried to quieten myself down so not to wake them. My best friend jogged over to the kitchen to grab me a glass of water before sitting beside me, slinging an arm over my shoulder which I almost shrugged off, but didn't have the strength to._

"_What happened?" He asked quietly. "Was it that Jason prick who'd been eyeing you all night? 'Cause I swear, if he's done anything to you-"_

_Andre's threat made me smile a little, but I cut him off with a shake of my head. I gulped the water down quickly then set the empty glass on the table before turning to look at the boy, staring directly into his eyes. Maybe it was the alcohol talking, because I didn't mean to say the next thing I blurted out._

"_I love her, Andre."_

_To my surprise, I watched the worry and concern in his eyes turn to what looked like relief and realisation. He patted my knee and his lips formed a small smile. "I forgot Beck and Jade said they'd be there."_

_I stared at him, my mouth falling open and popping closed as I tried to form words. What did he mean? How did he know? "W-what!" I eventually managed to splutter out._

_His smile just got bigger. "Come on, Tor." He shook his head, now smirking. "I think you were the only one who didn't see this coming." I went to speak again, but he held a hand up, stopping me. "Nuh uh. You've got to go to sleep now. I'll help you up to your room and we'll talk about this tomorrow when you've sobered up."_

_Still confused, I reluctantly agreed, letting him lead me upstairs and tuck me up into bed once I'd changed out of my smoke and alcohol scented party clothes (Andre had waited outside to let me undress). I clambered into bed and he wandered back inside, tucking me in and kissing me lightly on the forehead, stroking my hair. "Don't think, just sleep." He instructed, then left without another word._

I didn't realise I was crying until a sob ripped from my lungs, shaking my whole body as tears spilled endlessly from my eyes. It hurt. It hurt like hell. Every day from then on, just seeing Beck with Jade made my heart crack that little bit more, like it was being slowly chiselled away, not leaving a beautiful sculpture in its wake, but destroying an old one that had steadily become weaker and weaker over time.

My grip tightened on my bottle and if I had the strength, I'd have thrown it across the room, watched it smash against the wall with some sick satisfaction that it may represent how I felt at this very moment.

Very artistic. Very poetic… Very Jade.

Maybe Andre was right, she really was rubbing off on me.

Who'd have thought that 'happy-go-lucky' Tori Vega would be reduced to a shuddering, sobbing mess because of the girl she was supposed to hate? The girl who bullied her most of her school life, or so everyone saw. A watery chuckle escaped me; they always say there's a fine line between love and hate. Sometimes that line blurs, it could blur so much that it ceased to exist. I wish I could bring that line back and this time maybe I could stay on the right side, instead of toeing it with an attempt at friendship until I slipped and fell into the dark, unknown territory that lay ahead.

I think I fell asleep because the next thing I knew there was the sound of bottles clinking together and the one I still held firmly was wiggled free from my grasp. I turned my head and cracked an eye open to see, through bleary vision, Andre's shadow hovering over me, collecting up the mess I'd created. He noticed me shift and caught my gaze, smiling a sympathetic smile down at me.

"I knew I should've emptied the mini bar before I left." The boy said with a laugh, shaking his head. I felt the bed sink as he sat down beside me and soon a hand was running through my hair. "Oh, Tori, what am I going to do with you?"

"Call cupid and tell him to shoot me with a different arrow this time." I slurred, my now empty hand rising then crashing back on the mattress. "One that's not going to get married to one of my friends."

Andre laughed again. "I'll have a word with him for ya."

I smiled and twisted myself around until my head was lying in Andre's lap and I was looking up at him, his hand still threading through my tousled curls. The tears I'd shed were gone, but left their dried tracks down my cheeks which Andre gently wiped away with his thumb and I nuzzled into his palm as he did so, sighing.

"I love her, Andre." I said softly, squeezing my eyes shut and revelling in the warmth of his hand.

"I know, Tor. I know."

"Can you make it stop?" I asked childishly in a small voice.

"Make what stop?" I opened my eyes again to find the deep brown ones staring down at me, a spark of sadness hidden behind them.

"The hurt." I said quietly. "The love." I sighed again. "Or, maybe the wedding."

He shook his head once more. "Go to sleep, Tori."

I nodded, swallowing back another threat of tears then moved back to the pillow as Andre got up to finished the rest of the cleaning. I'd have to apologise to him for the mess once I wake up, but for now my eye lids felt far too heavy to stay open much longer and with one last, deep breath, I drifted off.

Xxx

_**Sing it loud to drown out the feeling  
>When you're feeling much more odd than (even)<br>And half as true as dishonoured seamen  
>We'll breathe Pacific and fight our demons.<strong>_

My head was pounding, but, as my best friend kept reminding me, it was my "own stupid fault." I groaned and adjusted my sunglasses, sliding them back up my nose, the surprisingly bright sunshine almost blinding me as we walked out of the hotel and headed towards the coffee shop we'd seen yesterday, deciding to have breakfast there instead of with the hustle and bustle in the usually crowded hotel dining area.

We walked the little way to the shop in silence and I tried to keep my buzzing mind from thinking about the event that would take place early this evening. Andre was still dragging me along to this wedding, probably as a punishment for what I did last night and making him clean up, but he insisted, again, that it would do me good. I told him I didn't see how it could do me any good to _watch_ my heart get stomped on by Jade's big, crushing boots, to which he just rolled his eyes and dragged me out of the bed I was trying to bury myself in, hoping to get tangled and lost in the sheets, never to see the light of day again.

I couldn't help the small smile that appeared on my face as we got closer to the coffee shop. The large windows on either side of the door, which looked out onto the little patio area, were decorated with cobwebs and spiders with a little pumpkin sat in the middle of each in celebration of today- Halloween. Quite fitting, really, that Jade West had her wedding at such a time of year. No matter how much she said she despised the holidays, I knew the girl had a soft spot for this one in particular and couldn't resist doing something to mark the occasion. I still remember the time she managed to break into my locker and fill it with plastic spiders, scaring me half to death when I opened it before lunch. Her only complaint was that she couldn't get her hands on real spiders.

I was brought out of yet another Jade related memory by the tinkling of a bell. We had reached the door and Andre had pushed it open, holding it so I could go though first.

"Thank you, kind sir." I giggled at him, going to step inside only to have him whip his hand away, causing the door to come swinging back, almost hitting me in the face, if he hadn't been quick enough to block it with his arm. I gasped and jumped back, turning to glare at his smirk.

"Never do that again!" I scolded, swatting him playfully on the arm before letting myself in.

"What, you really think I'd let the door hit that pretty little face of yours?" Andre teased.

"I would, it might make some improvement."

A cold shiver ran down my spine and I couldn't decide if my heart had sped up to an incredible speed or just stopped altogether at the familiar, snarky voice that reached my ears. I know it had lodged itself in my throat again, making it extremely difficult to swallow the gulp I took as I turned on my heel to face the two people who sat in one of the window seats, the only reason I hadn't seen them there before being the many decorations blocking them from the view from outside. If I had seen them, I would never have stepped foot in the coffee shop.

Neither had changed much since high school. Jade still wore all black as often as she could but her hair was cut slightly shorter and was now a dark shade of brown as opposed to the pure black from before, the highlights also taken out. She still had the eyebrow ring and nose stud, both glinting at me in the bright sun shining in on us and her eyes were, of course, still the same glorious mix between blue, grey and green that had always captivated me since I first met her. Today they appeared just that little greener, making them seem softer, even under the scowl she now wore.

Across from her, still with that vibrant shock of red hair that was tied back in a ponytail today, sat Cat, the maid of honour, who beamed at us as she clutched her coffee mug. Tight white tank top, tiny jean shorts, bright red heals, Cat would never completely change from the bubbly, child like girl we knew and loved. How she wore that outfit today and not feel any cold, I'll never know. She motioned us over and, before I could refuse or protest, I felt Andre shove me squarely between my shoulder blades to get me moving, until I bumped into a chair and tripped over my own feet, my palms slapping against Cat and Jade's table as I managed to stop myself from falling flat on my face, but had my glasses slide from my nose.

"Smooth as ever." Jade commented, taking a sip from her coffee: black, two sugars, as always.

I scowled and took the seat beside Cat, Andre muttering something about going to get drinks, but the sound of my heart frantically pounding in my ears made it difficult to hear him. I wished to be anywhere else but here. I couldn't face Jade without doing something I regretted, and pretty much any move I made right now would be stupid and/or dangerous.

My mind was screaming at me, telling me to make her stop this pointless wedding, that I loved her and we should be together in the foolish fantasy I'd built up in my head.

On the other hand, I could sit here in silence, let her go ahead and get married to Beck and live with the 'what if's' forever, the choice I liked the least of all.

Jade cocked her head to one side and managed to catch my eye, flashing me that signature smirk that, even though I knew its cruel intentions, still made my knees turn to jelly.

"What's the matter, Vega?" She asked, feigning concern. "Cat got your tongue?"

"I do not!" Cat defended immediately.

Jade turned to shake her head at the shorter girl before switching her attention back to me, slurping at her coffee because she knew the noise got under my skin. I glared at a spot over her shoulder, unable to look directly at her as I knew I'd melt under the intense look, my anger turning to longing instead. It was so pathetic, but I was still cursed by whatever spell she put on me all those years ago and I couldn't shake it off.

Andre returned with the beverages, setting my mug down in front of me, being careful not to spill the contents. I saw Jade try to give a sneaky glance at my drink, hiding a smile behind her own mug when she caught it. We ordered the same now. I had ever since that first kiss, one that immediately hooked me in and didn't let me go, and I had been addicted to the taste ever since.

_It had been weeks after that fateful party and I'd been trying to avoid Beck and Jade as best as I could, without it looking suspicious. Every time I saw either of them, the scene would replay in my mind, over and over, torturing me, my imagination even going far enough to create its own images of what could've happened once that door had been slammed in my face. I couldn't shake it, so I turned and ran in the opposite direction._

_As much as I'd tried to convince myself that it was the alcohol controlling my feelings that night, I knew it wasn't. I'd much prefer it if it were the alcohol, but it was, in fact, that stupid, constantly beating organ that lay behind the supposedly protective barrier of my ribs. They didn't help much when it came to the emotional abuse so often thrust upon the heart, and as those weeks went by, I discovered more and more that it was indeed a crush I was harbouring for the West girl, one that tore me every time I saw her._

_We made our way out of Sikowitz's class, heading to lunch via my locker, as usual. I had to get some books out ready for next period, so told the guys I catch them up and waved as they walked away. All but one- Jade. _

_She strolled past me to the Wahoo Punch machine across the corridor and, out of the corner of my eye I watched her press the little button for her soda, then wait impatiently for the can to drop into the hatch for collection. I looked away as she turned back around, pulling my science book from my locker to shove in my bag only to jump in shock as I heard the clink and hiss of a soda can being opened right next to my ear._

"_Don't wet yourself, Vega." Jade said before slurping noisily at her drink._

"_Don't do that!" I cringed, gritting my teeth. "And I haven't wet myself, you surprised me!"_

_Jade slurped the punch again, louder and longer this time, pulling the can away from her lips with a satisfied "Aaaah." I rolled my eyes and shut my locker, ready to walk away when she said "Hold out your wrist."_

"_Why?" I asked suspiciously, yet still doing as told. Jade didn't answer; she just wrapped her fingers around my arm and yanked me towards the janitor's closet through the now empty corridors. I immediately felt thousands of butterflies storm my stomach at her touch, rendering my useless and limp as I was thrown through the door which was then closed and locked behind us._

_Then she just stood there, leaning back against the wooden frame and watching me as she drank her Wahoo Punch, poker face in place, her icy blue eyes staring intently. I shifted my weight nervously from foot to foot trying to figure out a way out of here past the raven haired girl blocking the only exit; I couldn't be locked in here alone with her, my heart couldn't take it._

_Jade downed the remaining dregs of her drink and tossed the empty container into the nearest trash can, one still being held together with copious amounts of glue, before she finally spoke. Her gaze never faltered from me once and not even the hint of a smirk at my obvious discomfort broke her straight face, making me feel more uneasy than ever._

"_What's your problem, Vega?" She asked in what I'm sure was meant to be a biting tone, but something lay beneath. Concern? Hurt?- "You've been avoiding Beck and I since that party, not that I mind, it's been nice not having you around as often, but Beck seems to think there's a problem." -Or maybe I was imagining things._

"_I'm fine!" I squeaked, doing nothing to convince the girl in front of me, who took a step forward._

"_Obviously, you're not." Her voice was low as she took another step, looking frighteningly like a predator that was ready to pounce on her cornered prey. "Didn't you like seeing Beck getting intimate-" she drew out the word, making me cringe again. "-with his girlfriend? Did you wish it was you in her place?"_

"_N-no!" I stuttered. Much the opposite, actually, I'd rather be in his place… shut up, brain! "I've told you a million times, Jade. I'm not after Beck!"_

"_If you're sure." Another step. "But, then, what _is_ the problem, Vega? Was it far too _baaaad _for your innocent little mind to take?" She was right in front of me now, poking a finger to my forehead as she spoke._

"_Stop it, Jade." I protested meekly, my heart doubling it's tempo at the proximity._

"_Stop what?" She asked in the voice reserved to mock me, but my retort stuck in my throat. This was by far the closest we'd been since my discovery and, I was right, I couldn't handle it. I took a step back hitting the wall behind me._

"_Out with it, Vega!" She suddenly shouted, making me jump. I really had turned into a mess around her._

"_Back off, West!" I yelled back, the little confidence I had left breaking through._

"_Or what?" She hissed._

"_O-or-" My brain had stopped functioning, I couldn't think of any comeback. All I could focus on were her soft, plump lips that were so close now that just the tiniest step forward and I could claim them as my own. I swallowed hard, flicking my eyes back up to Jade's, who must've noticed my staring as I caught a smirk lift the corners of her mouth._

"_Or what?" She repeated softly, inching closer still, if it were possible, causing me to strain against the wall to keep away._

_But my body acted of its own accord. Before I could even think of what I was doing, I'd pressed my lips to Jade's, my hands finding her cheeks and my eyes squeezing shut. She didn't respond, just simply stood, stunned, until I pulled back, breathing hard… what the _hell_ had I just done?_

_I couldn't find my voice to apologise, my mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water, I could only watch as Jade swallowed and sucked in a deep breathe before pinning me to the wall in a flash, pressing her lips to mine in a bruising kiss, hard, desperate and full of the longing I knew I reciprocated._

_I stiffened in shock this time. My breath caught and held in my throat, but it wasn't long before I melted into it, kissing her back with just as much passion. Her tongue traced slowly across my bottom lip and I couldn't help but moan softly as my mouth parted allowing her in, our tongues meeting in a furious dance. She tasted bittersweet, the lingering aftertaste of the coffee she drank every single day still strong enough to overwhelm the sweet Wahoo Punch she'd just had. In an instant I knew I was addicted, I wanted more, I needed more._

_We parted, breathing heavy once again, my heart pounding wildly against my chest and with our bodies so close I swear Jade could feel it._

_She stepped away and swallowed again, looking directly into my eyes, making me feel uncomfortable. "No one must know about this." She hissed through gritted teeth._

_I nodded, my own teeth held tightly together and I was sure I was going to burst, with joy or fear, I wasn't sure._

_Jade backed towards the door, still watching me intently the whole time. She lifted her hand to the door handle before speaking again. "Count to fifty after I leave, then follow." I nodded, still stunned. She pushed the handle down. "And meet me here, same time tomorrow."_

_Before I could even process what she'd said, she'd gone._

"So aren't you supposed to be preparing for your big day today?"

Andre's cheery voice brought reality crashing back down on top of me, breaking through the past and everything that had happened. His eyes shifted between Jade and I continuously as if he were afraid one of us would disappear if he looked away for too long.

"I'm enjoying my last coffee as a free woman." The paler girl replied, lifting her almost empty mug.

"And you had to get away from Beck for a bit!" Cat chimed in. "They had an argument this morning!"

"CAT!" Jade shrieked, making the red head go wide-eyed and clasp a hand to her mouth, while my heart leapt. What was that? Beck and Jade had been arguing?

"Trouble in paradise?" I said bitterly before I could stop myself.

"It's none of your business, Vega!" Jade spat quickly, throwing an accusing glare my way that sent shivers down my spine. She looked at me as if it was entirely my fault, or maybe I was just imagining that she was.

"What were you arguing about?" Andre butted in before I could retaliate, his eyebrows creased in concern. He knew as well as I did that a couple fighting on their wedding day could not be a good sign.

"Just last minute wedding crap." The pale girl replied, waving a hand dismissively. "He's all for tradition and not seeing each other before hand. I think it's a load of bullshit and when I tried to tell him that, he actually hid behind the damn door so I wouldn't see him. It got a bit out of hand from there."

I sniggered despite myself, the image of Beck forcing the door to remain closed while Jade yelled at him being funnier than it should be.

Jade caught this. She glared at me for a long moment before downing the rest of her coffee in one swallow, slamming her mug back on the table with more force than was ever necessary as she got to her feet. "Come on, Cat. Let's go get ready for my big day."

She grabbed Cats hand, who squeaked in protest, glancing down at her half finished hot chocolate, then barged her way past Andre, almost throwing the poor guy out of his seat in her haste. I shifted to let a pouting Cat go by and watched as the two women left the coffee shop, out into the warm sunshine. I turned back to Andre, who raised his eyebrows at me, shrugged and went back to sipping his coffee.

"Their arguing can't be good-"

"Tori." He interrupted quickly. "Don't."

I sighed, slumping back in my seat. Of course he'd want me to leave it alone, my 'meddling'- as it has been called- has caused more problems than solutions in the past, but it's just not in my nature to leave these things to lie. "But, Andre-"

"No."

Xxx

_**Would you be depressed,  
><strong>__**If I attend that wedding,  
><strong>__**But only as a guest?  
><strong>__**Such an unfaithful bride  
><strong>__**Draped in a dress  
><strong>__**Threads of my-**_

"Are you gunna get out of this damn bathroom yet!"

It wasn't long before the wedding and Andre and I were in our room, getting changed into more suitable clothes for such an occasion. As much as I trusted Andre, it was better for us to get ready in separate rooms and as soon as I suggested this, he stuffed me into the bathroom saying he would not leave me alone with an easy escape route and that he couldn't afford to waste time chasing after a heart broken lunatic if I did manage to get away.

We had argued on the way back from the coffee shop. Cat's words were whirling around my head and the glare Jade gave me was burned into my memory. The supposedly happy couple had argued this morning? It's not uncommon for Beck and Jade to break into arguments at any given moment, but on the day of their wedding?

Andre had told me to drop it, that they have little spats all the time and it'll be patched up before Jade has even walked up the aisle. Maybe I shouldn't have slapped him on the arm quite so hard after that comment, after all he was probably right, but it still made my stomach lurch painfully at the thought. However, I was still determined to know what more had happened between the two of them, to turn something as little as a tradition into an argument Jade wanted to escape from. It was the only reason I still agreed to go to the ceremony.

Another five sharp taps on the bathroom door. "TORI! Open up, girl! We need to get there A.S.A.P and I am not leaving you to mope around in a bathroom all day instead!"

I sighed and got up from the edge of the bathtub I'd been sitting on for the past few minutes. I was wearing a short, black dress with silver and grey stripes running across it in a weave type pattern, dark tights, a simple pair of black heels and a silver clutch bag tucked under one arm. I'd bought the outfit some time ago, a month or so after opening the invitation, when I was angry and hell bent on putting a stop it all. The heels weren't too high, just enough to dash down the aisle after the "Speak now, or forever hold their peace," the dress fitted perfectly, showing off my body and, most importantly, my legs, because I had selfishly wanted Jade to notice, to realise what she was missing out on, to come running to me instead.

I scrapped the idea by the end of the day. It was just a bout of childish jealousy burning inside of me. Jealousy and anger and selfish want, all because Jade had decided to turn up on my doorstep to give me the invitation herself.

_10pm. I was sat on the couch in front of the tv, about to start watching a movie, when the doorbell rang, echoing through my apartment. I half sighed, half growled, having just settled myself into a comfortable position, all ready to relax and wind down after a long day in the recording studio, but still put down my glass of lemonade and pushed myself out of the seat, making my way over to the door. _

_I wasn't expecting any visitors, although I rarely did, my friends still hadn't broken out of the habit of randomly appearing at my house without prior warning or invitation. It was still like school, but less frequent, and it was usually only one of two people who'd be there. It was probably one of the neighbour kids messing around again, they just loved to ring everyone's door bells then run off down the corridor, hiding behind the large plant pot at the end to watch the occupants of the apartments glance around, annoyed, then storm back into their flats. I never understood the thrill anyone could get out of that._

_I'd left my keys in the door when I came in, so just gave them a quick, sharp twist. Aggravated by the thought that it could be one of the boys from number 57 again, I wrenched the door open, all ready to yell out to leave me in peace just this once, when I was stopped in my tracks, my mouth hanging open and admitting a squeak like sound._

"_J-Jade?" I stuttered, gawping at the paler woman who stood before me, a blank expression on her face. "W-what are you doing here? I thought you were busy in New York."_

"_I was." Jade stated, pushing past me into the flat. "But this is more important."_

_I span on my heel, following her to the kitchen area. She'd already switched the kettle on and was getting mugs by the time I got there. "More important than the play you've been working on for so long?"_

_Instead of answering, Jade busied herself by preparing the drinks, heaping more than generous amounts of coffee granules into each mug along with heavy spoonfuls of sugar. Her face remained emotionless, a mask, something I had worked so hard and desperately to remove. Something I hadn't seen in years._

_Something must be wrong. Over the past few years that Jade and I had secretly been seeing each other, on and off, whenever we could- when she and Beck had argued, when she needed comfort or just some place to get away for a while with the excuse she was going to visit family- she had shown me every emotion in the spectrum. From anger and denial, sadness and loathing, happiness and hunger, lust and love, everything. For her to build her walls back up so suddenly, not even a visible flicker in the mask, I knew it must be bad._

_Jade handed me the mug, accidently spilling some of the boiling liquid over my finger in her haste, but I ignored the scolding splash and the red blotch that soon appeared; when it comes to Jade, you learn to ignore pain. I followed her to the couch where she'd huddled into the corner, kicking her boots off in order to rest her feet up, curling her legs so she could rest her chin on her knees. I sat at the other end, unable to suppress the shudder as her intense gaze fixed itself upon me and I tried to brush it off by nonchalantly sipping my drink._

"_Beck asked me to marry him." Jade announced unexpectedly, causing me to choke on the dark liquid, doubling over in a coughing fit._

"_What!" I managed to splutter after a moment, trying to recover and regain my breathing pattern._

"_Beck asked me to marry him." She repeated slowly, as if talking to a child. "He got down on one knee and proposed."_

_I gawked at her, my eyes flicking down, now noticing the shiny silver ring embedded with emeralds that sat upon her finger, one I'd never seen before. But I frowned, as if that wasn't confirmation enough._

"_You said yes?" I whispered, unable to take my eyes off the ring which still stood out so strikingly against her pale skin._

"_Well, what else was I supposed to say!" She snapped, throwing her legs away from her body so her feet hit the laminate floor with a slap._

"_Oh, I don't know." I replied sarcastically "How about 'No, Beck, this isn't the right time'?"_

"_And what if I didn't want to say no!" She hollered, now on her feet, bearing over me with a wild anger in her eyes._

_I followed suit, standing just inches away from her, my head raised in defiance. "Then why ask? I was giving you an option as to what you could say."_

_She huffed, calming down just a little. "You think you're so funny and clever now, don't you, Vega?" She shifted closer._

"_I've learnt from the best."_

_A smirk now lined her lips, but I only saw it for a second before they met mine, soft, smooth and furious. I immediately kissed her back, meeting her tongue half way, tasting that bittersweet taste I was still so addicted to. It was only when her fingers hooked into my hair and I felt the cold, hard metal of the new ring on the back of my skull, did I pull back from her, my own hands raising to her chest to push her away._

"_We… we can't…" I gasped._

"_Can't what?" Jade hissed, something akin to hurt seeping its way into the anger._

"_This." I gestured between the two of us. "We can't. You're engaged now, Jade. It's… it's-"_

"_Wrong?" She shouted over me, her eyes ablaze. "Is it _wrong_, Vega! Is it! That's never stopped you before! How many years have we had this thing going on between us while Beck was my boyfriend and never once did you say it was wrong! What difference should some stupid ring make!"_

_She was right. For five years we've had this thing between us. Something that started out as 'just sex when I'm bored and Beck's not around'- as Jade had put it- had slowly twisted, moulded and shaped into something neither of us could let go of. The odd few meetings once in a while in the janitor's closet or at my house, things I only agree to so I could be closer to Jade, had escalated into almost every day meetings while we were still at school. Then it wasn't just sex. It was a movie while snuggled up on my bed, it was helping each other with homework, it was a quick kiss on the lips that went no further and it became something neither of us realised at the time._

_Then school was over. Jade had always wanted to go off to New York while I wanted to hang around LA at least a little longer. Even with a promising career in Hollywood movies, Beck went off to be with her while I remained behind, watching them go. It was undeniable how I felt for Jade, I'd known from the moment she slammed the door in my face, and a part, hell, _all_ of me thought she felt the same way, what with her risking so much just to sneak through my bedroom window every other night. So the first few months without her were heartbreaking, until she turned up on my doorstep one evening after she and Beck had a huge fight._

_She'd driven all the way across the country to throw me against the wall and continue where we left off only for me to wake up the next day to an empty bed and her gone. At first I thought I'd dreamt it, some bizarre twisted nightmare, and I'd pushed it to the back of my mind until she turned up yet again, just a month later._

_At first her visits consisted of very little words, but after a few months of her turning up whenever she damn well felt like it, things became more serious. We talked, really talked, about what was going on in our lives, what our families were doing, what she and Beck had fought about this time. Her visits became less frequent, but lasted more than just a night and when I asked her why she would travel so far just to see me, she responded with "I like to drive, it calms me down." But I could help wishing it was more than that._

_And never once, in all that time, did I ever feel guilty. Jealously, that Beck got to see her much more than I, that he got to kiss her and hold her in public while I had to wait until there was absolutely no one around, I sure felt that one. But never guilt. Never did I feel anything bad for betraying Beck and sleeping with the girl he loved behind his back. Because I loved her too._

"_I… I… I…" I stuttered, unable to come up with anything to say to her. But Jade shook her head, reaching into her pocket to retrieve something small and white which she hurled at my chest._

"_I came to give you this and to tell you fairly what is happening." She said in a steady tone, much unlike the anger just seconds before. I picked up the envelope, turning it over to find 'Miss Tori Vega' written in fancy lettering across the front. "Maybe I'll see you there."_

_Without another word, she turned on her heel and left me standing there, gawping between the envelope and the doorway._

"Finally!" Andre sighed when I stepped out of the bathroom. He let out a long whistle as his eyes roamed my body from toes to my eyes, pausing for a short moment along the way. "Damn, girl, you lookin' good!"

"Yeah, yeah, you pervert." I rolled my eyes and hooked my arm though his to drag his attention away from my chest. He's my best friend, but he's still a straight male who hasn't had a girlfriend in a while, not for lack of trying. "Are you forcing me to this thing, or not?"

He raised his eyebrows at my playful attitude, a contrast to the sulky demeanour I'd entered the bathroom with, then turned to open the door. "Right this way, my lady."

Xxx

I was stuck inside a huge manor house surrounded by so many people I hardily knew or just about recognised from school and other such places. This was where the wedding was taking place as Jade had absolutely refused to be married in a church and the place was starting to fill with guests even with a couple of hours left 'til the wedding. Andre had gone upstairs to the second floor the minute we arrived; Beck was up there getting ready and he needed his best man by his side. Of course, Andre couldn't leave me alone in case I 'do something stupid' so I was now sat beside Robbie Shapiro, a boy I hadn't seen in years and yet nothing about him had changed besides one major thing- he was Rex free.

"Jade said I was invited if I didn't bring him along." The curly haired boy said when I asked him what had happened to the ill mannered puppet. "She promised to put the both of us through an industrial shredder if I even thought of letting him come to her wedding and I didn't want to risk it."

I rolled my eyes and nodded, knowing that is exactly what Jade would say. With nothing else to do but wait, Robbie and I took the time to catch up on each others lives since we'd last seen each other, only a year after school finished; it had been a while. I learnt that after school he'd gotten a job at a comic book store to help pay the rent at his new apartment while he looked for something else. One day he'd bought Rex along with him too, claiming the puppet had been bored stuck in the flat and he needed a bit of company as Thursdays were usually a slow day. Rex had been his usual self, belittling everything Robbie did, making stupid jokes, but unable to talk to any woman as Robbie told me hardly any ever came into the store. A couple of guys had over heard the pair arguing and thought it was so funny they invited Robbie and Rex along with them on a comedy tour across the country, and he'd been working with them ever since.

"That's excellent news, Robbie! I'm so happy for you!" I grinned once he'd finished his enthusiastic account, obvious proud of what he'd achieved. He also mentioned he hadn't had much luck with the ladies then added- waggling his eyebrows- that he hoped to get lucky with one of the bridesmaids this evening. I had a feeling I knew exactly which one he had his eye on.

And at that moment, said bridesmaid appeared, her emerald green and white dress askew and her still shockingly red hair a half finished mess as she barged her way through the crowd, making a beeline for me and Robbie. The bespectacled boy stood up, straightening his tie, but Cat barely spared him a glance as she grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet, all the while gasping for breath.

"Tori! I need your help!" She pleaded, squeezing my fingers. "Please?"

"What with?" I asked in surprise, watching Robbie slump down in his seat again out of the corner of my eye.

"It's Jade. She's no where near ready and neither am I and I can't find anyone else to help her out so I thought maybe you could because you helped her with the hamburger but this time she can't get her boobs in the dress and she keeps yelling at everyone who tries to help-"

"CAT!" I shouted over her. The girl hadn't taken a breath since she started talking and I feared she may pass out. "I don't think it's such a good idea that I help her out-"

"Please, Tori!" Cat begged. "Jade's mad and she's already yelled at me four times! Please, I just need your help!"

I sighed. There was no chance anyone could say no to those big brown eyes, especially when they're staring up at you like you're the only chance to save their life. Reluctantly, I nodded my head. "Lead the way."

"Yay!" The shorter girl squealed before dragging me off through the crowd. I waved over my shoulder to Robbie who was still slouched dejectedly in his seat, just catching his tiny wave back before he disappeared from view.

Cat pulled me through the huge house as fast as she could; I barely had a chance to marvel at the many paintings, tall vases and other expensively looking furniture before it flashed past my vision. We climbed up the first set of stairs to the floor Beck and Andre were on, then up a second flight to the top floor and I could already hear Jades furious shouts at one of her bridesmaids. We were almost at the end of the corridor when a girl wearing a dress that matched Cats, came bursting out looking as if she was fighting off tears. She brushed past us without a word and wrenched open another door which lead to a bathroom, then slammed it too.

"One of Beck's cousins." Cat whispered, now edging us slowly to the door the girl had just come out of. "Jade doesn't really know her, but she desperately wanted to be a bridesmaid and Beck wouldn't take Jade's no for an answer on it."

I nodded, gulping back a bubble of fear as Cat pushed open the door we now stood in front of and the first thing I saw inside was Jade. She was perched on the edge a large, four poster bed, half dressed in her underclothes and tights, her unfinished hair falling in a dishevelled mess over her shoulders. Her head snapped up when the door creaked open and at first she looked shocked, terrified, but it barely lasted a second before it was replaced with pure fury.

"What is _she_ doing here!" The pale girl spat at Cat, who instantly hid behind me for protection. "I told you I didn't want anyone, Cat! Especially not _her_!"

I can't pretend her words didn't cut me, but I wouldn't let it show. Instead, I moved slightly to shelter the little red head even more so as Jade got up and stormed over to where we stood, her teeth gritted and her breathing coming out in heavy, angry pants.

"I- I thought she could help!" Cat squeaked timidly, and I knew tears were set to come. Jade obviously sensed this too, as she took in a deep breath, her next words coming out a bit softer.

"Alright! Alright, whatever. Let's just get this over with, okay?" Jade pinched the bridge of her nose. "And Cat, don't cry, you'll ruin your make up and we don't have any time to do it again."

The short girl instantly perked up. "Kay kay!" She grinned before scampering off toward the bathroom. "Good luck, you two!"

I watched the girl disappear before stepping into the room, closing the door behind me. The place was beautiful, much like the rest of the house, with a king sized four poster bed in the middle, fine wooden furniture all around and a large window that looked out over the magnificent garden below. But my eyes were trained on Jade as she stepped over to where her wedding dress was draped on the edge of the bed and straightened it out to put back on. My stomach lunched at the sight, at the meaning behind the piece of clothing and I felt like I was going to be the one in tears soon.

"You're not much help if you just stand there like an moron, Vega." Jade said, raising an eyebrow but not bothering to look my way.

"I- uh…" I stuttered, trying to regain some composure. "I was just thinking. White, it's not really your colour."

Jade shot me a glare, but it was half hearted and I didn't miss the twitch of a smile pass her lips. "You're still not funny."

I shrugged. "Being funny is Robbie's job. Not mine."

"Oh yeah, he's here." Jade mused. "He hasn't got that damn puppet with him, has he?"

"Nope." I stepped forward, resting my hands on both of Jade's shoulders and began to rub small circles with my thumbs. She was stressed, that was easy to tell, and I'd learnt over the years that this was the best way to calm her down. "He mentioned something about you and an industrial shredder. It's lucky Robbie still believes your threats."

Jade just nodded. Her eyes were closed and her lips were curved into a small smile as my thumbs worked their magic, relieving some of the tension that had built up. I smiled too; even in her stressed out state, even in the clothes she was wearing to a wedding to someone who wasn't me, even as she stood in the middle of all this grand décor, she was still the most beautiful thing in the room, the most beautiful thing on the planet in my eyes, but she was never truly mine.

I let out a long breath, my heart feeling heavy as the realisation of everything that was about to happen weighed down on me. Maybe I hadn't thought much about it when Beck and Jade were just boyfriend and girlfriend, but now they were getting married, could I really keep up this affair? No. No, I couldn't. Because in the times before, I could pretend it was just the two of us, that there was no boyfriend on her side and there never was anyone on mine, I kept pushing them away. I could pretend we were actually together, a couple, not some secret Jade had whenever she felt like it. But, now with this and the shiny wedding band that would soon rest upon her finger, I could no longer pretend, because all I saw was Beck holding her, Beck kissing her, Beck being hers forever.

"What happened this morning?" I breathed, almost afraid to ask.

Jade tensed for a moment before she let her shoulders relax again. "We argued. It was over something completely stupid, but it went further until he ended up asking if I even wanted to go through with this. I kicked the door, told him he was an idiot and walked away."

Her voice wavered as she spoke and I turned Jade to face me, seeing her eyes shine with a coat of tears. "And do you?" I whispered, looking straight into her eyes. "Do you want to go through with it?"

She couldn't answer. A strangled noise ripped from her throat, caused by a sob she forced to stay down. And that was all I needed.

I crashed my lips to Jades, mustering up all of my feeling and so much passion, trying to convey my message without the words- _Please, Jade, don't do it. I love you too much to lose you._

She didn't pull back. At first, she was frozen, shocked and it felt like our first kiss in the janitor's closet all over again, me pouring out my heart, Jade stood unmoving. But this time, gradually, she kissed me back without either of us moving apart. So many unspoken words flooded between us, so many things we just couldn't voice, and I wasn't sure whose tears started first, whether they were from hurt, anger, sadness or all three, but I knew I didn't want to let this go.

Jade's hands floundered around until she managed to get a grip on the front of my dress, her fingers wrapping around the thin straps as she tugged me to move with her. She fell backward onto the soft bed, her wedding dress discarded, abandoned on the floor, and she pulled me on top of her. Everything was forgotten, the crowds of people downstairs, the bridesmaids in the bathroom, the ceremony that was soon to happen and the groom who was still getting ready on the floor below. Right now, with the soft skin and the tears and the kisses that said more than words ever could, it was just the two of us.

_**So arch your back,  
>and flip your hair,<br>make eye contact,  
>so you know I care.<strong>_

Xxx

Five rows back. I couldn't decide if this is much too close to the front or not as close as I wish to be. I was surrounded by unfamiliar faces, besides Robbie, who has taken the seat next to me, but I can tell who most of the people are here for. At the very front of my aisle I could see Jade's mother, someone who I met just once a long time ago and I know still hates my guts for accidentally spilling Wahoo Punch all over her white rug one day when Jade and I were studying… or meant to be studying. The row behind her contained Jades step mother, only here for Jade's father who would soon he walking down the aisle, and her son who was now in his teens. On the other side at the front were Becks family. His own mother, who I had seen a handful of times whenever we went around to Beck's RV, was quietly sobbing into her husbands shoulder as he wrapped his arms around her and smiled proudly up at the stage, at his son.

And there he was, in front of everyone, Beck. Black suit, crisp, ivory shirt, black bow tie, pants and shoes. His hair had gotten a lot longer since I last saw him, but the soft brown curls had been tamed and perfected, not a hair out of place. On his lapel sat a single white rose with green tips and as he stood, seemingly calm, his fingers kept running over and over the soft fabric that made up the fake flower. Beside him stood Andre, almost matching his outfit save for a deep green bowtie and no flower. His eyes skimmed through the crowd then rested on me, giving me a small smile.

I tried to smile back, but my heart wouldn't let it happen. I should be happy for them, proud to see Beck up there looking as handsome as ever, but instead I felt sick to my stomach.

Hardly half an hour ago, upstairs, I lay next to his wife to be, naked, sweaty, out of breath and desperately clinging onto some shred of hope. I should've begged her not to do this, I should've asked her to run away with me, but I didn't. I just got up, pulled my dress back on, straightened out my knotted hair and looked back over at her.

"_It's your choice now, Jade." I said in a voice barely above a whisper. "You can get married, live with Beck forever and never have this happen again, or you can put a stop to this and be with me."_

I didn't give her chance to reply then, I didn't want to hear it, I just opened the door and walked away, only just managing to avoid walking straight into Cat who was about to go and check on us. I told the girl to give Jade a minute, she'd be ready soon.

Suddenly, there was music, snapping me out of my thoughts and bringing my attention back to the present. In the corner at the front stood a small, yet wonderful organ which the organist in his deep blue suit now hunched over, playing the traditional bridal entrance song. Everyone else stood, I wobbled to my feet, and turned expectantly towards the arched doorway with its doors flung wide open into the hall behind.

Time seemed to slow as Jade approached. She looked stunning in a flowing, silky, ivory dress, the very one that had been crumpled on her floor not so long ago. Her hair fell in ringlets that bounced and brushed her shoulders as she took each careful step, her soft, elegant make up- done by Cat at the last minute so it was just perfect- brought out every striking feature, and most of all her eyes, which shone emerald green. She took my breath away.

Beside her, with their arms linked, was her father, a man I've only met once after I help Jade put on her play. Their relationship had been rocky, but Jade had told me that from that moment, when he admitted he liked what she had done, they were both making an effort to rebuild what they once had. While it still wasn't quite to that level- he still disapproved of many things Jade had done and she still hated his new wife- things were definitely a lot better and there was no mistaking the proud look he now wore as he walked her down the aisle. It made me feel even worse.

Behind them came the bridesmaids: Cat, looking as cute and pretty as ever, Beck's cousin who had recovered well from Jade shouting in her ear, and Jade's younger sister from her fathers' side, who, with her long blonde hair and hazel eyes, looked nothing like her older half sibling.

As they went past, Jade turned her head a fraction to her left, to me and in the brief look all I could read was _I'm sorry._ I stared after her, not even noticing Cat's beaming grin in my direction and her mouth a thank you for my help, which really wasn't any help at all, but she didn't know. All I could register was the hard knot that had twisted itself painfully in my stomach and the fresh sting of tears that were threatening to escape once again. _This is it. This is it._

"Tori, are you okay?" I almost jumped out of my skin when Robbie whispered into my ear and placed his hand on my shoulder, guiding me back into my seat. All I could do was gulp and nod.

"She looks fantastic, doesn't she?" He continued in a hushed tone as the officiant began "Still scary, but fantastic."

I tuned him out along with everything else in the room. It was taking all my strength not to run, either away from this wedding, this place, and never look back, or up to the altar to tear Jade's hands out of Becks, to scream at him that she's mine and I love her then get on my knees and beg her to choose me instead.

Beck's mouth was moving. I couldn't listen to his words, his own vows dedicated to the woman he had loved for years. Things jumped out 'though thick and thin', 'despite every fight and break up' and I wanted to shout at him exactly where Jade had come running to with every one of their arguments, but I didn't. I couldn't even bring myself to stand up, so I remained like a statue in my seat, staring blankly ahead.

It was painful to hear the words "I do" fall from Becks mouth with such certainty and such love. It hurt to see him smile as the man in the black suit, white shirt and long black tie then turned to Jade repeating his question.

But she hesitated. Her eyes were not fixed upon the man professing his love to her, the boy saying he wished nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with her, but instead they roamed the crowd of anxiously awaiting people. It didn't take long until those shining emeralds met my own eyes, the fear and uncertainty clear behind them. I stared right back, my bottom lip caught between my teeth, willing her to say no, pleading with her one final time, as selfish and petty as it may be, before the eye contact broke and she turned back to Beck. She gulped.

_**Would you be depressed,  
><strong>__**If I attend that wedding,  
><strong>__**But only as a guest?  
><strong>__**Such an unfaithful bride  
><strong>__**Draped in a dress  
><strong>__**Threads of my-**_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Don't hate me for the cliff hanger! You'll see why soon enough. Besides, it fits well with the flow of the song.**

**Review if you please, but don't be too harsh on me!**

**Much love.**


	2. I'm The Best At Ruining My Life

**A/N: Due to popular demand, I bring you another chapter of _No Trivia._ Originally, it was never going to have an ending, but with all of you lovely... some a little threatening... reviews and some help from the song _I'm The Best At Ruining My Life,_ also by _From Autumn to Ashes, _this appeared.**

**Again, I don't know if I'll continue after this one. It may be a satisfying ending for you, some may want more. Either way, I'll be happy, I guess it depends on inspiration. I'll leave it open for now, but no promises.**

**Anyway, enjoy!**

**(Same rules apply: Song lyrics in _Bold italics_, Flashbacks in **_italics._**)**

* * *

><p><em>It was painful to hear the words "I do" fall from Becks mouth with such certainty and such love. It hurt to see him smile as the man in the black suit, white shirt and long black tie then turned to Jade repeating his question.<em>

_But she hesitated. Her eyes were not fixed upon the man professing his love to her, the boy saying he wished nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with her, but instead they roamed the crowd of anxiously awaiting people. It didn't take long until those shining emeralds met my own eyes, the fear and uncertainty clear behind them. I stared right back, my bottom lip caught between my teeth, willing her to say no, pleading with her one final time, as selfish and petty as it may be, before the eye contact broke and she turned back to Beck. _

_She gulped._

"I do."

It was barely a whisper but it echoed loudly through the hall. The two small words reached out like vines, wrapping their way around my heart, my lungs, every vital organ they could touch, and they squeezed. Squeezed so hard I was sure I was suffocating. My vision distorted, I swayed.

"You may kiss the bride."

Almost everyone was crying now: their (birth) mothers, the bridesmaids, Robbie was blubbering like a baby beside me, but the tears I shed, ones I hadn't even noticed, pouring down my cheeks like waterfalls, were for an entirely different reason.

She chose him.

It was over.

Things blurred by. People were clapping, cheering, congratulating. Confetti was already being thrown as the happy couple- now man and wife- walked down the aisle arm in arm, both grinning from ear to ear, and there was no quick glance in my direction this time. No hesitation. No going back.

I was last, left alone in the huge room with its long wooden benches that had been filled, just seconds ago, with a happy crowd of people. With the archway of flowers, the stupid organ in the corner that the organist had now abandoned and the brightly coloured flakes of paper that now littered the floor; it all made me sick. Despite Andre's trying-to-be reassuring smile or Robbie's insistence that we leave for the reception together, I couldn't move. I was frozen in place, struggling to breath, every limb felt stiff as if I'd just looked into the eyes of Medusa and had been turned to stone.

Now what?

I felt a large, warm hand enclose over my shoulder and the familiar, yet stronger than I remembered, smell of coconut milk invaded my nostrils. I don't know if it was his sudden appearance behind me or his drastic change in clothing that shocked me more, being so used to the bright, eccentric colours that he'd wear everyday to school, it certainly was a sight to see Sikowitz in a deep plum suit, black shirt, white tie, and with his solemn look, he looked more like a funeral attendee than a wedding guest. His lips twitched into a sympathetic smile as he looked down at me, his palm patting softly on my shoulder blade.

"You know that janitor's closet has a window, right?"

I felt my cheeks redden as I instantly caught on.

"It's not that I intentionally looked." He added in defence "But you two were never the quietest under normal circumstances, I was just walking by and needed to investigate all the noise-"

"Okay! Okay!" I interrupted, feeling my embarrassment grow.

He smiled warmly. "It wasn't just that, though. I could tell by the way you looked at her, the way she looked at you when she thought no one would notice." He sighed. "I was always rooting for you, kid."

With one last sigh, Sikowitz walked away, leaving me truly alone now. I'm sure he meant to comfort me, but his words were doing the exact opposite. They just made me feel more longing, wishing for those care free days where they'd break up and Jade would spend more time with me. Those days I could forget everything else and think of her as my girlfriend.

_We were a tangled mass of limbs, sweaty, out of breath, a satisfied smile on each of our faces._

_Jade had arrived at my door around an hour ago. She didn't say a word, just grabbed my wrist and yanked me upstairs to my bedroom and I silently thanked God that my parents and Trina were out of the house, because those unsaid words soon turned to screams and cries of ecstasy, moaned names reverberating around the walls in lust. Now only our heavy breathing filled the air._

"_What did you two argue about this time?" I yawned, hoping to sound as if I didn't care. It had become a frequent habit of Jade's, to come running to me after her and Beck had had an argument, but lately it was becoming more and more often. Just the other day she had cornered me in the girls' bathroom after she'd yelled at Beck for merely _looking_ at another girl. Those cramped stalls aren't the most comfortable places._

_It had crossed my mind that I was being used, but I just couldn't say no._

"_It wasn't him." Jade replied with an even louder yawn. "It was my dad. He got mad because he found me cutting up one of his best ties."_

"_Why were you cutting up one of his best ties?"_

_Jade shrugged. "Felt like it."_

_She was lying on her back, her arms behind her head that rested on her linked fingers. She stared unseeing at my ceiling, barely reacting when I trailed my nails softly across her bare stomach, circling her bellybutton, watching the light pink marks fade on the pale skin._

"_I broke up with Beck." She blurted out after a few minutes silence, causing me to jump at this sudden admission._

"_You _broke up_ with-"I couldn't say his name. "Why?"_

_Jade shrugged again. "He kept asking stupid questions. 'What's wrong?', 'Why are you acting this way?' It got annoying. So, I told him if he didn't stop asking questions, we're over. Then he said 'why?'"_

_I fought not to roll my eyes. It was the most ridiculous reason to break up with someone; anyone could tell there was more to it than that. I decided not to ask; if she could break up with Beck over questions, I didn't want to risk it. Not that we were together or anything- at least, not officially- but I'd give anything for our moments like this._

"_Can I stay here tonight?"_

_If my head hadn't been resting on her chest, listening to her soothing heartbeat, I wouldn't have believed Jade said that. I shifted to look up at her, finding those soft, yet icy eyes looking down at me with an emotion I couldn't recognise. I nodded and cuddled closer to her._

_Jade's fingers stroked through my tangled hair as she breathed a word "Thanks." And I fell asleep with a grin plastered across my face. For, tonight, she was mine, and only mine._

_Three days later, they were back together, as if nothing had ever happened._

They had to forcibly remove me from the manor house so they could clean it up for the next function. I was numb, nodding dumbly along with whatever the guy was saying to me about taxis and the best way out of here, but the second I was out the door, I just let my feet carry me wherever they may. It wasn't long before a wobbly step caused me to come crashing to the ground, falling to my knees. The dam burst. Tears spilled. I was broken.

_**Farewell to all the days you were  
>Within my reach<strong>_

Xxx

_**I've boarded up the windows,****  
><strong>**To keep the morning from intrusion,****  
><strong>**I've left it on the doorknob,****  
><strong>**Could you please just not disturb?****  
><strong>**On days like this we find it so hard to push ourselves up and out of bed,****  
><strong>**When nothing falls in favour of**_

Two or so weeks after the wedding found me lying face down on my couch, a bottle of something I no longer cared to learn the name of left empty on my floor. Somehow, Andre had found me that evening I'd broken down; I suppose it was because I'd barely left the manor house grounds before I collapsed into a puddle of sobs and tears. I knew I shouldn't have got my hopes up, like Jade would ever change, but a small part of me- a selfish, needy, desperate part of me- hoped that maybe, just _maybe_, she'd pick me.

I'd called in sick so many times the studio was close to giving me a 'permanent vacation'. Andre had been over a few times, trying to cheer me up, tell me everything's going to be okay, but he was so busy with his own work that any visit was short and did nothing to help me. No one else bothered to make an appearance. I barely moved, just from my bed to the kitchen to the couch and back, with the occasional bathroom break and trip to the store. And being in some state of drunkenness the whole time, I became a zombie.

I was on the edge of sleep when my doorbell rang, the loud, high-pitched noise piercing my eardrums. I grumbled incoherently as I struggled to my feet, kicking another couple of empty bottles out of the way as I staggered towards the door. They rolled towards the television, clinking together all the while, doing nothing to help my pounding head.

"HI!" I was greeted by another high-pitched noise as I yanked the door open. A blur of red suddenly held me tight in a vice like grip that knocked all the air from my body and made me lose my already shaking balance. If she hadn't have been squeezing me so hard, holding me captive in an upright position, I would've fallen over backwards. Instead, I stumbled into the wall in shock.

"Alright, Cat, you can let go now." I groaned, prising her arms from around my rib cage, which I'm pretty sure were bruised from the pressure.

Cat pulled back grinning, then started sniffing the air. "Why do you smell like hobo?"

"Smell like… what?"

"Whenever I see a hobo on the street, they smell like this." She gestured her hand out, indicating whatever it is she could smell, something I couldn't. "Is it a new air freshener you bought?"

"Uh, no. I don't think so." I said, puzzled, as I lead her into my living room. Cat bounced her way through until her foot connected with one of the stray bottles and she just caught herself in time to stop tripping over it.

"Why do you have so many empty bottles, Tori?" She asked, glancing around at the few I'd stupidly left lying around the room. Trash day was tomorrow, I'd throw them out then. "Are you starting a recycling business?"

Poor, oblivious Cat. "No." I responded, gathering the bottles up and setting them in the box by the front door. "Just, you know…collecting them?"

Cat knelt down to pick the bottle off the floor and blinked curiously up at me as she handed it over. I know I must look a mess; I hadn't showered in a couple of days because I just couldn't muster the energy to do so. Besides, there's something about standing under the warm, streaming water that always puts my mind into over drive, always makes me think the things I'd been trying to block out before hand. Last time I showered, I broke down into a sobbing wreck just like before, and I couldn't handle that happening again.

"You look sad, Tori." The soft words were coupled with a pout and the sympathetic look in her eyes and it almost doubled the pain I was already feeling.

"Yeah, well…" I spun the empty bottle between my fingers, unsure of what to say. A lie would be too easy to see through, the truth I'm not sure Cat could handle. "I've not been feeling myself lately, I'll be alright though."

Cat titled her head to one side, her long eyelashes fluttering over her huge, golden brown eyes. A soft sigh escaped her gloss smothered lips. "Andre said you were sad, but he didn't say why. Is it about Jade?"

I'd turned to the sink, ready to wash up a couple of plates I'd left lying there for a few days, but was stopped in my tracks. How could she possibly know? Did Jade tell her? Andre? Or was I just that obvious?

"She was just stressed at the wedding!" Cat continued, following me to where I was now frozen. "Whatever she said, or did, I'm sure she didn't mean it. You know what Jade's like, she gets really mad, then she's really mean, but she doesn't mean it all the time."

I left out a shuddering breath of relief, but it did nothing to ebb my mood. Maybe Cat was right and Jade didn't mean what she said or did in the manor house bedroom, maybe it was just one last goodbye to the outlet she'd been using for so long, for her pain, for her needs, for everything we were together. My grip on the side of the cold, stainless steel sink tightened, feeling my knees sink slightly as I tried to stay in control of my emotions. I couldn't break down again, especially not in front of Cat.

"Tori?" the shorter girl said my name in a quiet, tentative voice and I felt her hand rest on the small of my back. "Are you sure you're going to be okay?"

I tried to nod, not trusting my voice, but my head jerked rather unconvincingly.

"Would you like me to stay over? I am in town for the next week, and I was going to look for a hotel, but…" She trailed off, chewing her bottom lip.

"Sure, Cat. That would be nice." I finally controlled myself enough to respond to my friends' hopeful question. "Just… just let me get the spare room ready for you."

"Kay, kay!" Cat giggled, bouncing up as if there were no heavy tension of my misery lingering around us. "I'll just go to my car and get my bags, be right back!"

Cat and I had stayed up 'til late, chatting and watching movies, catching up with each others lives. We'd spoken and seen each other quite a lot since high school, but the meetings were usually very brief and I'd never quite got the whole picture of what she was doing with her life.

She'd followed Jade to Broadway, but instead of taking the writing and directing route like her best friend, she set her sights on performing on the Broadway stage. She got to live out her dream, Cat had been in so many plays since she'd left Hollywood Arts that I got lost part way through her naming each one and just nodded with my mouth slightly agape. She was a very popular choice when it came to casting, it seemed. Her charisma and enthusiasm coupled with that voice and such a stage presence for someone so small, the audience just ate her up whenever she was on.

She rattled on about some of the guys she had dated, relationships that didn't last all too long, either because of conflicting work schedules they couldn't get around, or said boys inability to just _get _Cat's whole personality, something that always held the poor girl back. I felt a twinge of jealousy, knowing Cat could go through relationships without a care, hearing how far she'd gotten in her career while I was still hauled up in a studio working relentlessly on my debut album. But I quashed it. It wasn't her fault I was too busy wallowing in my own self pity to make something of my life.

We finally crashed around 1am. The sugar rush from all the ice cream- we'd made a dash to the corner store around 10ish- and candy Cat had been cramming down her throat had finally warn off and she was dozing quietly on my shoulder. She had managed to distract me from Jade related despair for a short while, but once I'd shooed her away to sleep, I was left lying in my own bed, staring up at the darkened ceiling, with nothing but my own thoughts for company.

"_Vega. You know, that didn't sound half bad… for you."_

_I had just walked out of the bathroom, wrapped up in a towel with my hair dripping from the shower I'd taken. Jade was sprawled out on my couch, the muted TV playing in front of her although her eyes remained on the bowl of cereal clasped in one hand._

"_What didn't?" I questioned, rubbing my hair with the little towel I'd brought out with me, hoping to soak up as much water to avoid creating a puddle on my floor._

"_Whatever you were singing in there." She gestured her spoon towards the bathroom door before turning to face me, eyeing me up and down when she saw how little I had on, and smirked. "You going to put that on your album?"_

_I was taken aback. I had been singing in the shower, to a song I'd been working on yet still hadn't perfected, and this was the first time Jade had taken any interest in what I was doing. Any time I'd try to talk to her about my life, it looked to me as if she'd tuned out, her rhythmic nodding detached from the one sided conversation and the odd hum of agreement sounding uninterested. Had she really been paying attention all that time?_

"_Uh, yeah." I smiled, taking a step further into the room. "I've been working on it for a while, but there's just something missing."_

"_Come here." She scooted up from where she was taking up the whole sofa and patted the seat next to her._

"_Don't you think I should put some clothes on first?" I asked, earning a scoff then a large piece of material thrown in my face. I peeled it off to reveal the shirt Jade had been using as pyjamas the previous night and had been wearing just seconds ago._

"_There, clothes." She smirked, now in just a bra and matching panties. "It's not like I haven't seen you in _much_ less before." She added with a wink, and I was thankful I was pulling the material over my head at that very moment as it hid the blush forming on my cheeks._

_We ended up sitting on the floor of my apartment, separated only by a notebook as we worked on my song, filling in missing lyrics, changing the melody up a little bit, managing to work out all the kinks and little bits I couldn't figure out for myself. It was like we were back at school, sitting on a rug in either of our rooms- usually mine- working on our latest homework assignment together. Only, this time, Jade was doing it out of choice, rather than having a teacher force us together 'so we can learn to get along better'. Oh, what they didn't know._

"_You should end it going up to a higher note." Jade commented, tapping her pencil against the final word on the page. "You know, like you did with _You're the Reason. _Think of it like that, only, you didn't write it for Trina."_

"_How do you know I didn't write it for Trina?" I retaliated stupidly, knowing perfectly well the person I'd pictured while writing was sat right in front of me._

"_It's a sappy love song, Vega." Jade rolled her eyes. "I should hope it's not about your brain dead sister… unless there's something you want to get off your chest?"_

_She waggled her eyebrows and I cringed, tossing my pencil her way. "Gross, Jade."_

_We laughed until Jade's phone went off, a text from Beck asking when she'd be back because he was missing her- she had been gone three days already, spending all her time in my apartment when she was meant to be visiting her father for his birthday. I busied myself with getting changed into some actual clothes while she text him back but it wasn't long before I felt arms snake around my waist, lips peck lightly over my neck until teeth grazed over my earlobe, and any thoughts of putting clothes on were quickly washed away._

"Tori?"

I was woken up from my memory masquerading as a dream by the sound of Cat's scared voice. I blinked myself awake, trying to distinguish her in the dark room, just making out her outline silhouetted by the moonlight leaking in though a gap in the curtains. It was only 3am, 2 hours after we'd gone to bed.

"Tori, can I stay with you tonight? I had a bad dream."

She really hadn't changed much since school. In fact, I'd say she was becoming more child-like with age instead of growing up. I shifted in my bed, not bothering to respond, just making room for her to squeeze in. I felt the bed sink beside me, felt more than heard Cat's whisper of thanks, and drifted off yet again.

Xxx

_**I have so many things  
>I would like to explain to you<br>But I don't know just how to  
>Communicate<strong>_

The next morning, Cat bounced around my house before tackling me in another hug, saying she was going off to find a hotel to stay in. I quickly shot that idea down, insisting she stay here at mine, she was my friend after all and I knew that having her around for the week, I'd be able to pick myself up from the state I had gotten myself in.

It worked. My liquor intake depleted rapidly, mostly due to the fact that Cat wasn't big on drinking, but also because I was running out anyway. We actually went grocery shopping the day after she arrived, for real food, before I dropped my excuse of being ill and went back to work, while Cat went off to the meeting she was in town for.

That was her fault, actually. The studio called that very morning, asking if I were well enough to work today because we can't keep putting this off. Cat had answered while I was in the shower, telling them I definitely seemed better and she would make sure I was there asap, leaving me no choice _but_ to go in and work. It was definitely a good thing; I was able to throw myself back into my music, which became very therapeutic, with me writing a song with lyrics and a meaning that was very different from what I had started out with. Andre would be proud; he always said music was the best medicine.

On Cat's last night, he invited himself over to my flat and the three of us ended up watching movies and eating tons of junk food, just like we would while we were at school. It was nice, if a little awkward at times when Andre would throw glances my way as if I were about to collapse sideways and start balling my eyes out at any given moment. I hadn't since he found me lying face down in the gravel of the manor house and I wasn't about to start now. Cat had been a great distraction for the week and I was going to miss it greatly when she left, but I figured if I had to move on, I best start now.

The third movie came to an end and Andre grabbed his jacket before hugging and kissing the both of us on the cheek.

"Don't forget to keep in touch, Cat." He reminded, slipping his arms into the leather. "I miss my little red headed bundle of fun."

"What's that supposed to mean!" Cat cried. Andre just shook his head, patted her on the shoulder and turned to embrace me.

"If you ever need anything, you know you can call me." He whispered in my ear.

"You've done enough." I murmured back, pressing my nose to his shoulder, taking in the mucky scent that was my best friend. Why couldn't I have fallen for him? He was so warm, so comforting. He wouldn't smash my heart into tiny pieces and step on all the shards. "It's my turn now."

He nodded and pulled away, bidding the two of us a final farewell before closing my door in his wake. I stared at the sleek wood with a half-hearted smile until I felt my wrist being tugged, as if a small child were trying to gain my attention. I looked down, momentarily startled to find Cat gazing back up at me, her thin, pink nailed fingers looking out of place wrapped around my tan skin.

"Tori?" It was a pitiful plea she used when she wanted to get her way. "Can I stay in your room again tonight? Like when I used to when we did The Funny Nugget Show. I miss that."

I couldn't help my smile turning into a full on grin at the memory of our random, 3am segment on TheSlap. "I miss them too." I replied quietly, slipping my wrist away from her grasp so I could thread my fingers into the small gaps between her own. "Come on, you. Let's have a sleepover, like the good old days."

"Yay!" Cat squealed in excitement. She'd changed into her pyjama's between the second and third movies, so she diving straight into my bed while I dressed in the small bathroom between my bedroom and the guests, which I used more as a study.

I ended up telling her a bedtime story, something my mom used to read to me when I was off sick from school, and she fell asleep sucking her thumb. I found myself watching her sleeping form, wishing I could be in her world, where things were still so child-like and innocent, and heart break lasted just seconds before something much better grabbed my short attention.

After what felt like hours of just staring up at the ceiling, dreaming of what it would be like to still be so care free, I drifted off too, into an oddly comforting sleep.

_I was curled up with my Cuddle Me Cathy doll tucked tightly in the crook of my elbow, pressed snugly to my body for comfort. I may be eighteen, but I'd had my doll for as long as I could remember, and she was still the only thing that could make me feel any better when I was fighting illness._

_I was faintly aware of some form of yelling coming from downstairs, but I brushed it off, far too exhausted and sick to care about whatever Trina's latest dilemma was. The spotlight had been on me most of this week, with mom and dad caring about the daughter who was tucked up in bed, feeling too ill to go to school, so my sister had to find a way to bring focus back to her in any way possible, which usually consisted of her whinging about something or other._

_Her complaining was reduced to background noise in my ears, that was until the sound of heavy booted footsteps made their way up the stairs and became louder and louder until they stopped abruptly outside of my door. It wasn't Trina, her foot falls we more scattered sounds of high heels clicking frantically against the polished, wooden floor; she never wore such stable sounding footwear._

_I had an inkling of who it might be, and those suspicions were confirmed true when my door was thrown open rather unceremoniously. Jade strutted in, a cocky smirk plastered across her face, and stood in front of me, one hand resting on her jutted out hip, the other thrusting some paper under my nose._

"_You may be on bed rest, Vega, but even _poor little old you_ can't get away without doing your homework."_

"_I don't talk like that." I muttered half heartedly into my pillow, snatching the paper away from my face. "Why are you here anyway?"_

"_I just said, didn't I?" Jade rolled her eyes and plonked herself on my bed, just by my legs._

_I sat up straight to see her better. "Yeah, but Cat, Andre and Robbie have been bringing me my homework all week. In much nicer ways, might I add."_

"_Yeah, well." She shrugged, before an amused smirk pulled at the corners of her mouth. "Awww! Wittle baby Towi needs her dolly to get to sweep?"_

_My cheeks flared up bright red when I realised I was still cuddling my Cathy doll under my arm. I tried to stuff the toy out of sight, under my bed covers, like hiding her now would've stopped Jade from seeing her seconds ago, but the dark haired girl caught a hold of an arm between two fingers and easily jerked her from my grasp._

"_Gimme her back!" I attempted to snap, but it came out more as a pathetic whine, my arms flailed uselessly as I tried to get to my doll._

"_Really?" Jade laughed, swinging Cathy from side to side. "Sometimes, Vega, I swear you're too much like Cat for your own good." She threw Cathy back in my face and I caught her quickly, hugging her close to my chest._

"_Jade, just… just go away." I sighed, exhausted. "I'm in no mood for whatever the hell it is you want from me today. If you and Beck have had _another_ argument, you'll have to find _another _way to deal with it."_

_Jade's soft smile from laughing at me changed to a scowl in the blink of an eye. "Maybe I just came to give you your homework, Vega." She growled._

"_Oh yeah? Then why are you still here?" I questioned with equal annoyance._

_Jade jumped off the bed as if it had just electrocuted her and I felt my heart drop. I hadn't meant to retort in such a way, but my head cold was making me irritable. I just wanted some peace, quiet and sleep, something Trina's incessant need for attention wouldn't let me have._

"_Jade, I'm sorry." I snuffled, reaching for the other girl who quickly retracted her hand from my reach. "I didn't mean to-"_

"_Save it, Vega." Jade interrupted. "Did it ever cross your one track mind that I might not be here for that?"_

_I swallowed, unable to form a response as my mind slowly processed the words._

"_Yeah, that's what I thought." Jade span on her heel to face me. "Oh, and by the way, as you seem _so_ concerned, Beck and I are just fine, thanks." She added sarcastically._

_My fingers fiddled uncomfortably with the corner of my duvet, my head hung, unable to look up at the scowling girl. "I'm sorry." I mumbled sheepishly._

"_Whatever." Jade deadpanned. "I've given you your homework, good deed done, or whatever, so, you know. Bye."_

_I sniffled again, rubbing my sore, red nose with the back of my hand as I finally looked up to Jade. I knew my gazed was pitiful, even more so with this damn fever, but I'm sure I saw something flicker in that otherwise blank expression._

"_Stay?" I hadn't even realised I said it out loud until Jade shook her head._

"_I can't. I promised I'd go see Beck." Maybe I was imagining it in my cough medicine filled delirium, but I was sure there was a hint of regret to her tone. None the less, it hurt._

_Then Jade did something I think neither of us ever expected. With two easy strides, she crossed over to where I was propped up against my pillows. Her fingers slid into my hair, not in the forcefully rough way I had grown used too from her, but gentle, just enough to bring me forward as she pressed a soft kiss to my forehead. My eyelids closed and my heart fluttered, skipping a beat as a shuddering sigh escaped me._

_Wordlessly, she pulled away, exiting my room without a single glance back. And if it wasn't for the dull pain of a headache thumping against my forehead, I would've been sure I was dreaming._

My eyes snapped open at the sound of a crash within my apartment. Beside me, Cat awkwardly shot upright from the position she had been curled in, the moonlight illuminating the fear in her bright brown eyes.

"What was that?" She whispered with a squeak.

"I don't know." I replied equally as quiet, sitting myself up, straining my ears for more sounds.

The second crash made both Cat and I jump, and the string of curse words that followed in a hushed voice doubled the tempo of my already hammering heart. I knew that voice anywhere, but… there's no way…

My bedroom door creaked open and my gasp of surprise was swallowed by the sound of Cat's sigh of relief.

"Jade!" The red head squealed in delight. "We thought you were a robber! Or a crazy axe murderer! Or my brother. One time, my brother came home _really_ late and he-"

"What are _you_ doing here?" Jade cut off Cat's rambles with the harshly spat question, her eyes narrowed in on the smallest girl.

"We're having a sleepover!" Cat replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Did Tori invite you too? 'Cause you're late."

The dagger-like glare shifted to me and I gulped. "I-it's not what you're thinking."

"Oh? And just what am I thinking, Vega?" Jade's tone was low, menacing, as she strolled into the dark room.

"I- I… well… you know…" I stuttered lamely, unable to find my voice amongst the shock and confusion. Jade's eyebrow raised, the stud she'd had for as long as I'd known her glinting in the moonlight. "W-what are you doing here, Jade?" I managed to get out.

She scoffed as if she couldn't believe I was asking such a question. "Beck's away working on some movie already." She answered, waving a dismissive hand.

"Then why are you here?" I repeated firmly. "Jade, you're married now, you can't just-"

"I can do whatever I damn well want!" She spoke over me with a snarl. "But I can see you move on fast, Vega. How long has this little arrangement been going on?"

She gestured between me and a very confused looking Cat, whose wide eyes were darting back and forth between Jade and I, her eyebrows creased as she tried to cotton on to the conversation. I felt the anger bubble inside of me. She had _no right_ to be here, to just break into my house in the dead of night and expect everything to be okay…. Although, it wasn't the first time she'd done such a thing.

"Get out, Jade." I said, keeping my voice as low and dangerous as hers. I pushed myself out of bed, strolling over to her, and it was then I caught the distinct smell of vodka on her breath, the smoke on her clothes. Some surprise, even concern, ebbed at my anger. "You drove here drunk?"

"Ha!" I hadn't noticed her slurred speech when she was spitting angry words in my direction. "You think I'm that stupid? I was in that place down the street for ages 'til they kicked me out at closing time."

"Why?" Why couldn't I be angry at her? Why did I care? Why the hell was she here?

She exaggerated a sigh, stumbling a little on her unsteady feet. At least it explained all the noise she made as she came in. Placing her hand on top of my dresser to stay steady, Jade took a second to collect herself.

"Because… because I can't _deal_, Vega" She said after a while of silence, her voice wavering. "I can't deal with this, or you, or Beck, or anything! It's confusing and I don't want it! I never wanted it! Why won't you just leave me alone?"

My anger burned, I'd all but forgotten that Cat was still in the room. "If you never wanted it, why the hell did you start it!" I yelled back.

"You started it!" She retorted, like a child in the middle of a tantrum. "You kissed me first! You made me have all these- these feelings and junk that I was trying to forget about!"

The loud gasp startled us both out of our fixated, angry glares at one another.

"You guys kissed?" Cat whispered, her voice muffled by the hand covering her mouth.

"More than kissed." Jade snorted, more to herself than Cat, but the other girl still heard her.

"But…" Cats face contorted in a mixture of confusion and anger. "You and Beck-"

"I've cheated on him, yeah!" Jade slurred in a shout, sounding almost amused. "I've been cheating on him with _Saint Vega_ here and it's fucking with my head!"

Her arms were waving dramatically, enough to cause her to stumble and collapse onto the end of my bed, slumping into the mattress. She hung her head, resting her elbows on each knee, threading her fingers into her hair which she gripped hard, breathing heavy.

"Why can't I get you out of my head!" Jade growled into her palms. "I wasn't meant to have feelings for you! You were just meant to be there to make me feel better. Whenever I felt like Beck no longer loved me I could count on feeling something from you! But I was never meant to return it! Fuck!"

She tore her hands from her head and beat a fist into the bed. Her eyes, darken blue by the night, were sparkling with the tears that streamed down her face, running her thick, black make up over her reddened cheeks. I could see all the heartbreak I felt reflected in her broken form, could feel her pain as my own. My knees buckled as I made my way towards her.

"Jade-"

"Don't touch me!" She snarled, but it wasn't aimed at me. Cat had crawled over to Jade, her hand hovering just an inch from the girls back.

Cat retreated, moving so she was knelt in the middle of my bed. I watched as her gaze flicked between Jade's slouched form in front of her and me still stood to the side. She looked as if she were trying to process everything with the small amount of information she'd received, and she didn't look happy.

"I can't believe you've done this. Either of you." The smallest girl said slowly, quietly, now staring wide eyed at the opposite wall. I've never heard her sound so serious. "Jade, you of all people should know how bad cheating is. Look at what it did to your family! How it tore you apart when you were just a kid!"

"WELL, MAYBE IT'S IN MY DNA OR SOMETHING!" Jade snapped back, anger rising. "MAYBE I'M MEANT TO CHEAT LIKE MY FATHER, OR MESS UP EVERY RELATIONSHIP I'VE EVER BEEN IN LIKE MY MOTHER!" She took a deep breath, swallowing back her tears. "Maybe I'm meant to mess up everything that makes me happy."

I finally took a seat next to Jade, who flinched away the instant I was near. I wanted to be angry with her, to resent her, to scream and shout and let all the pain I'd been feeling since her wedding come flooding out in harsh words and brutal tears. But I couldn't. She felt the same as me. Just as hurt, just as confused. Now I didn't know what to do.

"Jade." I repeated her name in a sigh. "You made your choice at the wedding. You can't just come waltzing back in here like nothing has changed. You chose Beck, not me."

"Why can't I have both of you, like I did before!" She blurted angrily.

"Because that's not how love works!" I shouted, balling my hands into fists at my knees, remembering all the love stories I'd read while growing up and how I wished my life would turn out like them. Oh, how wrong I was. "You're meant to fall in love with that _one_ person, be with that _one_ person for the rest of your life-"

"HA!" Jade cut me off with a loud, booming laugh, flinging herself from the bed. "I'm sorry, _Vega,_ but love isn't how your precious little fairytales built it all up to be. Love is _hard._ Love _hurts._" She slammed her fist into her chest at her words as if it needed a visual representation."What did you think, I'd run away from my own wedding to be with you? We'd go skipping off into the sunset together and live happily ever after?"

I stood up too, falling just below her level with my bare feet, her own still encased in a pair of heavy black boots. But I managed to maintain eye contact as I prodded a finger to her chest.

"You think I don't know love hurts?" I seethed. "When I've been in love with the same girl since I stepped into that performing arts school? When I had to watch every day as she hung off her boyfriends arm, had to pretend it didn't kill me every time she slept with me and walked away? When I had to watch her walk down the aisle and get married to one of my best friends, knowing we'd fuc- no, we'd _made love_ just moments before hand?"

"WHAT?" Once again I'd forgotten about Cat until her shrill voice cut over my words. "You- When I asked you to help with Jade's dress… you- you-"

I nodded, confirming what she couldn't bring herself to say. Cat swallowed back a hard lump in her throat before getting up off the bed herself, moving over to the door.

"I don't want anything to do with this." She said evenly, shaking her head. "This mess is yours and I don't want to be a part of it, knowing what you've been doing to Beck behind his back. I'm going to sleep in the spare room and hope that when I wake up, this will all be a dream."

She sounded so disappointed in us, enough to add another crack to my already splintered heart, but as the door closed to behind her, I stood my ground, watching Jade carefully as she seemed to suddenly gain a lot of interest in my floor. My first concern was her, maybe I could explain to Cat later…

"Why?" My voice broke. "Why come back now? Why couldn't you realise what a mess this was before you went and got married?"

"Why couldn't _you?_" Jade bit back. "Don't try and act like I'm the only one wrong in this. You knew exactly what you were doing too."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, letting out a shaky breath. It's not like I didn't know that. The guilt and anger had been eating away at me since she turned up on my doorstep with the invitation. I even had half a mind to run and tell Beck exactly what had been happening, I'd lose her either way, but I couldn't take away her happiness with Beck too.

"Because I want you." I murmured, the tears stinging the corners of my eyes. "I want you, but I want you to be happy and that's what Beck makes you. You may want me, but you need him."

Jade shook her head. "I never wanted you, Tori." She sighed, finally looking up. "I needed you more."

Then there were teeth and tongues, angry nips at swollen lips, discarded clothing tossed around as nails scraped bare skin. I didn't know how it happened or care how loud we were being or if Cat could hear us, or if the whole damn state could hear us, because I was so angry, so hurt, so confused and I needed this so badly. The cycle just continued. We couldn't break this habit, this undying addiction that ended up doing us more harm than good, but it was the only thing we knew. Maybe we could talk about it in the morning.

_**I can't take this body shaking  
>Dress and we'll begin<br>Nights can be so violent  
>When beds become vacant<strong>_

Xxx

_**I've blown it once again  
>This would have been the last offense and<br>You should have been here months ago  
>With open arms and honest face<br>Address full doubt you've ever felt frustration, well I'm choking on it now  
>And it's the hardest thing for me to shake.<strong>_

"_So, you made it past the Balls of Pain?" Jades question was muffled as she caught my earlobe between her teeth, tugging lightly. "Yet you squatted to use their toilet?"_

_She came over the night after my first victory at The Gorilla Club, after she and Beck had had another little argument in my house. She said she didn't like the amount of time I was spending with her boyfriend and it took a lot of convincing to tell her that _nothing _was going on between the two of us and, in fact, I wasn't even enjoying any time with Beck, just looking at him brought up bad feelings in my gut. But here we were now, ending up the same way as we always do._

"_It's disgusting in there." I murmured, my hands tracing patterns over her back. "Seriously, does the gorilla use it?"_

_Jade chuckled, her breath blowing over the damp bite now left on my ear, sending shivers down my spine._

"_You couldn't be a bad girl if you tried." Her finger followed the path of the shiver and my knees became weak. "You're far too much of a goody goody. You melt at the slightest touch."_

_My vision clouded over and a gasp escaped me as lips were attached to my neck, sucking mercilessly at my pulse point. I squeezed my eyes tight shut, watching the light spots burst behind my lids, trying to force back the whimper that wanted to escape._

"_I can be bad." I breathed when I came back to my senses._

_I felt Jade's tongue swipe over the forming bruise followed by her signature smirk against my neck. "Prove it."_

_I grinned, pulling back a little to slip my hands slowly up to her shoulders, teasing the curls of her hair that hung by her ear. Without warning, I shoved her back, developing my own smirk as she slammed into my mattress and her eyebrows shot up in surprise. I sauntered purposefully towards her, crawling over until I was straddling her hips, leaning so our bodies were pressed together, my lips just inches from hers._

"_That all you got, _bad girl_?" She purred teasingly._

_I closed the small distance between us, attacking her mouth with biting kisses before forcing my tongue between her swollen lips, meeting hers in a passionate dance for dominance, successfully shutting her up. It wasn't long before clothes were clawed from our bodies, nails leaving sharp red lines down soft, pale skin, or else marking a path back my back, making me hiss with painful pleasure._

"_You're still not bad enough, Vega." She breathed against my still clothed breasts, teeth raking exposed flesh._

"_Well." I sucked in a breath. "If I can't be bad enough for you…"_

_I trailed off and with great effort, removed myself for Jade, standing up and away from the bed in just my bra and panties, smirking at the equally undressed girl. My hand rested on my hip, an eyebrow cocked as I watched her throw her head back with a groan._

"_Fucking tease. That's not bad, that's just plain cruel."_

"_Oh, yeah?" I laughed, reaching around my back, fingers squeezing the clasp of my bra until it popped open. The material began to fall away from my body just as my bedroom door came crashing open._

"_TORI!" Trina hollered, barging in, paying absolutely no mind to me- stood in the middle of my room, clutching my loose bra to my chest for cover- or Jade, who was still sprawled across my bed, half naked. Through my utter shock and embarrassment, I noticed the large headphones covering Trina's ears and her closed eyes as her head bobbed along to the Ke$ha song she was playing at full volume. I breathed a sigh of relief._

"_TORI! I NEED TO BORROW YOUR GREEN TOP!" She screeched around the mouthful of the carrot she'd just taken a bite of._

_Taking advantage of her lack of attention, I grabbed my dressing gown from the back of my chair, hurriedly throwing it on before tossing my spare one- there in case Trina decided to come along and steal the first- in Jade's direction, who sat up straighter and leisurely pulled the clothing item on._

_"Here!" I growled, grabbing the shirt she'd been eyeing for a few weeks now and stuffing it into her arms. "I'm busy, now leave."_

_Trina's eyes snapped open at my tone, the ten inch heels she insisted on wearing everywhere she went making her look down at me._

"_Wha-" She began, eyebrows shooting up then furrowing as she gawked from me to Jade._

"_Rehearsing." I lied easily, pushing her back through the door, causing her to wobble on her unstable shoes. "Bye!" I slammed said door in her stunned face and lent back against the wood, mortified. If only the lock still worked, but Trina had broken it a while back when I refused to let her borrow my favourite pair of boots… I knew I should've gotten a new one straight away._

"_You should see your face!" Jade's burst of laughter brought me back around. "I didn't know you could turn _that _shade of red!"_

"_It's not funny!" I whined, stomping over to her. "It's not fun having your own sister walking in on you… you know…"_

_Jade laughed even harder at my reaction. She grabbed me around the waist and pulled me into her lap and kissed my pouting lower lip, a sign of affection I'd never received. _

"_Such a bad girl attitude" She smirked, flipping us over so she hovered above me. "I think we're going to need to work on that."_

I woke up to an empty bed, an empty house and an empty heart.

Cat had left a note on the kitchen counter explaining that she had to leave and did not want to get caught up in whatever was going on between Jade and I. She said we needed to sort it out soon, or else… we couldn't keep doing it to Beck.

It was the only evidence that Jade was here, the only evidence that it wasn't all a dream, besides the coffee table that had been knocked askew when she came in. The girl had left long before, and who knows when I'll see her next, if ever again.

"Fuck!" I hissed through gritted teeth, screwing up the note in my hand. I crashed my fist into the table top, leaning my other elbow on the counter so I could press my forehead to my palm, feeling another headache beginning. She said she needed me. She said she'd been using me but admitted to having feelings. Then she left, again. What was I supposed to do?

I crawled back into bed and slept away most of the day, hoping that each time I woke up, I'd find Jade lying by my side, her dark hair strewn across my white pillows, one hand balled up and gripping at the material by her head like it always did when she was dancing the line of consciousness. When she awoke, she'd always frown a little, her nose scrunching up as she tried to fight to stay asleep, but then the wrinkles would smooth and she'd sigh, losing her battle, but graciously so and would only speak once she'd had a cup of coffee in hand.

It was early evening by the time an alarm went off on my phone, a reminder I'd set weeks ago springing up on the screen. I stared blankly at the words for a while, debating whether or not I _really_ wanted to leave the comfort, yet emptiness that was my bed, before deciding to honour the promise I'd made. I got up, showered and dressed in record time, ready to hit the town. I could use another distraction, just for now.

To say Trina had done well for herself after leaving Hollywood Arts… well, it wasn't exactly what I'd use. She'd done better than any of us expected, however, so as I walked down to the club only a few blocks from my apartment, I actually felt some excitement at seeing my sister perform.

A comedy club wasn't exactly where she wanted to end up when she talked about her hopes and dreams at school. It was far from the huge Hollywood movies and platinum albums she vowed she'd have by this time, but to everyone's surprise, Trina was enjoying every minute of it. It was only in her last half a year at HA when it finally hit her that maybe the dreams she had weren't exactly… within her reach, and after some persuading from students, teachers and our parents alike, she focused on something we all knew was more suited to her- comedy.

Now, every other Saturday night, after working her shift as a waitress at Maestro's, Trina would put on her one-woman comedy show for a very enthusiastic audience. Don't get me wrong, she still hadn't completely given up on her original dreams, the only reason she worked at Maestro's was that she was convinced, one day, they'd let her perform on their stage while some record producers dined. She still wanted to make it big, but she'd stepped back from how she used to be.

I sat towards the back at an empty table, wanting to be alone in a room full of rowdy regulars. Trina wouldn't mind, she'd just be happy I came. I'd been saying I'd come along for ages now, but something always came up, mainly someone I didn't want to think about at that moment, so today was the first time I'd actually seen her in action.

And it was good. Her slightly scripted, but mostly improvised performance brought me out of my dark mood with ease and had me in stitches along with the rest of the crowd. She'd sing, she'd dance and she'd eat up the applause she was starving for, enjoying all the attention thrown her way.

Ten minutes after her show ended, Trina plonked herself on the seat across from me with a drink in hand. "Finally decided to show your face then?" She winked at me, leaning back into her chair.

"I'm glad I did, you were great up there, Trine!" I managed to grin. It hadn't taken long for me to come down from my happy high, only for it to be replaced with that empty feeling all over again.

"Did you expect anything less?"

She chugged her drink, smiling at a couple of punters who came by to compliment her on the show. I kept my head down as they spoke, playing with the straw sticking out of my own glass, trying to think of a way to get out. It wasn't that I didn't want to see my sister, in fact, I hadn't seen her since my birthday and did miss her presence on occasion, but I was far from being in a social mood, especially with people getting steadily more drunk around me.

A warm, tan hand placed itself over my own, stilling it from playing with the straw I had been so occupied with. My gaze trailed up the long arm, ghosting over the strap of the silver sequined tank top until my eyes met the darker coffee brown of my sisters.

"Earth to Tori!"

"Sorry." I mumbled, blinking. "I spaced out a little."

"Yu huh." Trina sat back in her seat again, frowning at me. "What's wrong with you anyway? You look like you just found out mom threw out that Hug Me Katie doll or whatever."

"I don't want to talk about- wait, mom did what!" Trina waved a hand, dismissing my wide eyed concern. "But, my Cathy doll…"

"Shut up, mom hasn't really done that… I don't think… I was just using an example." Trina snatched my drink from where it sat untouched in front of me and took a long, noisy slurp through the straw. "So, are you going to tell me which loser broke your heart this time so I can go kick his ass?"

I smiled. It wasn't very often Trina put on the defensive sister act- She'd once offered to beat one guy to a pulp after finding out he was trying to hit on me when he already had a girlfriend- so I couldn't help but feel a little happy when she did. However, this situation was completely different.

"Look, Trina. I appreciate your concern, but I'd really rather not talk about it right now." I grabbed my drink back, removed the straw and took a large gulp. "Can we talk about something else instead?"

I shouldn't've said that. The permission to change topic automatically meant Trina went off on a ten minute rant about herself and everything she'd done since I last saw her. The shows she'd put on, the numerous dates she'd been on… "Hey, you'll never guess who I saw here yesterday!" She said after a long while, bringing me back from wherever my head had been in an attempt to avoid the conversation.

"Who?" I asked, uninterested.

"Jade." She smirked as my head jolted up at the sound of that particular name. "I came by to sort some last minute stuff out for tonight and bumped into her. I mean, _literally_ bumped into her. She was staggering around all drunk, muttering something about stupid girls. I don't think she even recognised me." Trina pondered that for a moment. "No, she would've, I'm_ unforgettable_. Anyway, didn't she just get married to that hot Beck guy?"

I almost choked on my drink. "Uh, yeah, she did. I was there."

"Ooh! Was it all, like, haunted mansion, creepy stuff, or in a graveyard or something?" Trina asked, leaning across the table for the gossip. I couldn't help but laugh a little.

"No, it was actually pretty normal. I don't think B- he would've allowed that…" I swallowed, not wanting to relive that day. "It was on Halloween though."

"Well, she had to do _something_ creepy." Trina said, actually sounding disappointed that there was nothing more to it.

We remained quiet after that, something of an achievement for my sister, although she did sit there, watching me with a scrutinising glare that was making me uncomfortable. It got to the point I actually worried for her mental health all of a sudden, staring and not talking wasn't like Trina at all.

"What!" I finally snapped, paranoid.

She just laughed. "You know, 'rehearsing' is the oldest excuse in the book."

I blinked at her for a moment before it dawned on me what she meant.

"I'm not that stupid, Tor." She continued, eyeing me for a reaction. "At first, I _chose_ not to believe what I was sure was going on, but after a while it became obvious. I mean, we've all seen the way you stare at her. Or how she'd be a complete gank to you, but you'd still be Miss Goody Two Shoes and help her out with everything. And don't think I didn't notice how much time you two spent in your room, when you'd stay downstairs if it were anyone else-"

"Alright! Alright!" I said quickly, my cheeks flushing with embarrassment once again. Was I _really_ that obvious that even my self-absorbed sister noticed?

Trina laughed again, shaking her glass at a member of staff who was walking by, requesting a refill. After a little argument- in which he told her she had to actually go to the bar for more drinks and she shouted him down, saying she was the most important act here and she expected to be treated that way- he gave in, walking away to get her drink, which I wouldn't be surprised if it's contents now included spit.

"Look, Tor." She reached across the table again to take both my hands. "I don't care who you choose to be with… actually, I do. Stick with girls, then there's more guys for me!" I rolled my eyes; of course Trina would see it that way. "But _Jade West_? Really? She's been nothing but a ganky witch to you! What has to be wrong with your brain to want _that_?"

"Thanks for the pick me up, Trine." I muttered grumpily as the waiter came back with two fresh drinks, smiling as he slid one over to me. "But it's a little more complicated than that."

"How so?" She asked, raising an eyebrow as she took a long swig of her drink. Behind her, I could see the waiter watching and smirking and suddenly I wasn't so sure if I wanted my own drink any more. He caught my eye and shook his head, indicating that there was nothing wrong with my own, so I knocked it back in one gulp.

Then I let go. I launched into my life story, starting from the party so long ago, when I first realised what I felt. Even backtracking a bit too, when I first laid eyes on her, over Beck's shoulder in Sikowitz's classroom, her cold, hard eyes glaring me down and knocking the breath out of me from what I thought was fear at the time. Funny really, that I first fell while she was behind Beck's back. Trina actually sat and listened with rapt attention, only pausing to click her fingers at the same waiter for more drinks, which he didn't argue against this time after glancing at my half sobbing form.

By the time I'd reached what had happened last night, I was sure I was on the verge of another break down. I had never spoken to anyone about what was going on between Jade and I, Andre knew little bits and pieces but he never got the whole picture. Now I was sat in a bar full of strangers, spilling every last detail to my sister in a hushed tone that cracked on every other word with a weak cry or a hiccup. Once I'd finished, I felt drained, tired, pathetic, hurt, lost, lonely, confused… heartbroken.

"You don't do things in halves, do you, Tori?" She smiled once I'd finished.

I chucked to myself as I dapped the corner of my eye with my jacket sleeve, soaking up the well of tears. "I'm sorry, Trina. I didn't mean to go off like that. I must sound like a terrible, sad person."

"No, no, Tori. If anything, Jade is the terrible person." Trina reached over the table to take my hand. "You're just… hopeless."

"Oh, well, thanks." I said sarcastically.

"No! I don't mean like that… I mean, like, a hopeless romantic. That's what mom used to call you, isn't it? When you became obsessed with those romance novels you stashed under your bed. You're in love with the idea of love, or something. I can't remember what she said."

I started a little at the mention of those novels. I had become addicted to them in the last couple of years at school and had only picked one up because I was told it could help with a play we were putting on at the time, but once I read it, I soon became hooked.

Yet, the more I read, the less I found myself relating to the girl who fell in love with the guy who went off to war, who had made it to a happy ending and ran up into his muscular arms because he was the love of her life and she was never letting go again. I never quite got the stories of having a young sailor boy turn up at your door and falling hopelessly in love with him. It all seemed far too cheesy, even for me. It wasn't until I took a plunge, after a month or so of worrying, debating with myself and finally accepting that no one but myself would read it, I picked up my first lesbian romance novel and fell in love all over again.

It was just a couple of weeks after that fateful party, where I had walked on Beck and Jade only for everything to hurt. I was still trying to figure myself out and as I read the story, I began to understand and the other books were soon left unread, tucked into a corner under my bed. I'm not sure if my mom ever found that novel, it wasn't in with the stash of others, but it didn't spare me from an awkward talk afterwards, only saved by Trina barging in demanding something.

"You were ease dropping on that conversation, weren't you?" I accused.

"Well, you were just sat on the sofa in front of the tv. I was only at the top of the stairs for five minutes before I realised I was missing my shows!"

I shook my head at her and we lapsed into another silence, each pondering our own thing while we sipped our drinks. "I don't know what to do!" I broke, after a short while, with a pathetic whine.

Trina finished her drink up and grabbed my hand, tugging me out of my seat. "Come on."

"Where?" I asked, startled.

"Out. With me. We're hitting the town, cheering you up and making you forget all about that West chick. She's so not worth it, Tori."

"I- I don't think that's such a good idea." I stuttered in protest, but Trina was having none of it. After collecting her belongings backstage, I was dragged out of the door of the club, thrown into a taxi and forced into the heart of the Los Angeles night life.

Xxx

_**I have so many things****  
><strong>**I would like to explain to you****  
><strong>**But I don't know just how to****  
><strong>**Communicate****  
><strong>**I can't take this body shaking****  
><strong>**Dress and we'll begin****  
><strong>**Nights can be so violent****  
><strong>**When beds become vacant**_

This time I woke up to a thumping head and sense of nausea and regret in a bed that was no longer empty. The sheets surrounding my naked body, cocooning me tight in place, smelt like sweat and shame and just the thought of it made bile burn at the back of my throat. I cracked my eyes to the unwelcome sunlight shining in on me and glanced around the unfamiliar room, trying to get my bearings and hopefully remember what had happened.

All I knew was I drank _far_ too much.

The thick arm pinning me to the mattress had a familiar feel, something I hadn't known in years and then it was just for a brief period of time. I followed the slight tanned skin, a huge contrast to the pale white I was so used to, and found myself staring into a sleeping face that made my already upset stomach churn.

I hadn't see Ryder Daniels since I humiliated him in front of the entire school that night at the Full Moon Jam, and I'd hoped I'd never see him again. But now I was lying in bed next to the guy who had used me and tried to make a fool out of me all that time ago.

I'm never drinking again.

My fuzzy mind tried to piece back together exactly what had happened last night that had lead to this moment. Trina dragged me from bar, to club, to bar, pouring as much alcohol down my throat as she possibly could in an attempt to 'cheer me up' and I lost it somewhere between the third and fourth place, finally letting myself go enough to enjoy dancing and having fun with my sister, something I hadn't done in a long time.

We bumped into Ryder at the fifth place, a nightclub called 'The Ryde'- yes, spelt with a y- which we soon found out he owned. It was relatively new and he said he felt 'he was in a generous mood' and would let us in for free, seeing as he knew us. Even through my drunken haze I was sceptical, but Trina would not pass up an offer like that, so I found myself being towed inside and straight to the VIP area.

The music was booming so loud I could hardily hear myself think, the lights were dazzlingly bright, flashing their colours around the room like a spinning, neon vortex and I was lost in sensation.

Shots, pitchers and who knows what else later, I fell into him. My blissfully intoxicated mind told me he was familiar, he was there and he was comfort. The night went blank from there and I guessed that was how we'd ended up here.

I sat myself up, pushing his arm off me in disgust. How could I be so stupid? I couldn't even remember where Trina had gotten to, but I knew that if she was still there, she would never have let me go through with this, no matter how much she wanted me to forget about a certain someone else.

From my left, I heard a low chuckle muffled by a pillow, followed by a deep, satisfied groan that made me shudder.

"Looks like you came _beggin' on your knees_ to me instead, Princess." Ryder mumbled sleepily, not even bothering to open his eyes, and murmured in a sing-song voice "_Crawling like a centipede._"

"I was drunk." I scoffed in defence, sick at the thought. "And desperate, apparently." I added in a mutter.

"Nah, you missed me." He rolled over to smirk up at me. "You may have been pissed off before because you figured I was just using you to get an easy A, but you can't resist the Daniels man."

I gave a shout of laughter, edging on the delirious. "You're a pig, Daniels. Last night was a mistake. My whole relationship with you before was a mistake and, mark my words, it'll never happen again."

"Alright, feisty!" He laughed, rolling back over again to swing his arm across my waist, which I promptly pushed off. "You're a lot more of an animal in bed now, more than I expected."

A cold shiver ran down my spine as I shook my head and bit my lip, feeling furious with him, with everything that lead me to here, but mostly with myself. At once, I threw the covers from my body, not caring that I had just bared myself to Ryder, who I could feel eyeing me up right now, and raced around the room, grabbing every article of clothing that had be tossed away last night and throwing them back on. I didn't want to be here, I never wanted to be here yet this is where I ended up. Not just Ryder's apartment, but my whole damn life. It just took waking up beside him to make me realise that I was skimming the ground of rock bottom, and now I needed to claw my way back up and out.

"Someone's in a hurry." Ryder commented as he watched me struggle to pull my shirt back over my head in my haste. He was sat up now, the covers of his bed barely covering his naked form and I couldn't look his way without wanting to puke. What did I ever see in him? Sure, he was still the same good looking guy as he was before, just a little older with a lot more stubble, but all I saw now was the arrogant bastard that he really was. The charming, gentle, nice guy act that girls used to fall for, probably still did, had worked its magic once again last night, but never again. I had to get out.

"You're disgusting, Daniels." I spat, grabbing my purse and walking over to the door in bare feet, my heels in hand. "And I wish I could say you were my biggest regret. Yet, somehow, you're not."

The slamming door cut off whatever he had to say and, after a quick search for his keys, I let myself out of his apartment and into the chill LA morning air. I had stepped into an alley between two blocks of flats I didn't recognise and I let out an exhausted sigh as I trudged towards the sidewalk in hopes of getting some sort of idea where I was. The Ryde was dead ahead, not looking quite so grand without all it's neon lights, but I had no clue how we had even gotten there last night, let alone how to get back. I shook my head in defeat.

It took me a couple of minutes to dig through the small purse I had brought out with me until my hand clasped around the pear shaped cell phone I had been searching for. There was very little battery life left, but just enough to make this one call I needed and check the couple of text messages I'd received, both from last night. The first was from Trina, telling me I'd have to find another way back to my place, and the other, again from my sister, was more of a string of random letters than actual words, but it looked like she was trying to tell me she'd hooked up with someone. I deleted them both and dialled the number I needed.

Andre picked up on the fifth ring and I couldn't help but cringe at how loud his voice sounded. "Hey, little lady. What can I do you for this early on a Sunday?"

"I need you to come pick me up." I pleaded into the receiver.

"Someone's sounding a little desperate." I could practically hear the worried frown on his face. "Where ya at?"

I looked around, hoping for a better landmark than the one in front. No luck. "Uh, you know that nightclub that opened recently, The Ryde?"

"That place owned by Ryder Daniels? Tori, what the hell are you doing there?"

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair; this guy catches on far too fast. "It's a long story. Could you just come pick me up before I resort to running as far away from this place as possible?"

The hesitant sigh let me know he wasn't going to drop it and would want the whole story the second I got in the car. "Alright. Be there in about ten minutes."

"Andre, thank you _so_ much!" I gushed, pleased that finally something was going my way. "You're a life saver. I love you!"

"Yeah, yeah. Enough with the emotions and let me get in my car."

"Yes sir!" I grinned, blowing a noisy kiss down the phone before hanging up. But my slightly elevated mood fell as soon as the call was cut and I was once again alone on this unknown street.

A short while later, I heard the faint sound of a door closing somewhere behind me followed by heavy footsteps. It didn't take long before the strong smell of smoke filled my nostrils and an arm, connected to a bare torso, was thrown around my shoulders before I could duck away from it.

"You didn't even say goodbye, Princess" Ryder smirked around the cigarette stuck between his lips. His hair was still tousled from where he must've just dragged himself out of bed, his eyes still heavy with sleep and the hangover he must be sporting while a pair of loose, grey sweatpants hung off his hips, barely holding up.

"Goodbye." I deadpanned in response, rolling my shoulders so his arm fell.

He just threw his head back and laughed, letting the smoke pour out of his mouth and up into the air around me. I waved a hand in front of my nose and edged away. "Come on." He put on what I was sure was meant to be a seductive smile and winked. "Stay a little longer, you know you want to. The bed's still warm; we could go for round three."

Three? I gagged. "Not even if my life depended on it."

"Awww, you know how to hurt a guys feelings!" He put on an over the top pout that just made me want to punch him. "It's gotta beat standing around here trying to figure out a way back. Come on, Princess, we'll make it quick, like in the bathroom at the club-"

"NO! And would you STOP calling me that!" I spat, beyond irritated with the guy. Whatever was in my bloodstream last night needs to be taken off the shelves and marked as highly dangerous. I mean the bathroom, really Tori? "I've got a ride back, Andre will be here any minute and I'll never have to see you or this place ever again. Got it?"

Ryder's smarmy smirk dropped in an instant, replaced by a frown, as if he were trying to remember something. "Andre? Isn't he the one that helped you with that fucking song?"

"Yeah, he did help." It was my turn to smirk. "And he won't be happy to see you anywhere near me, so I'd leave if I were you."

"Why, are you two dating now?" He asked with dry amusement, ignoring what I'd said. "Oh, please tell me you're dating him now. That would be hilarious."

"We're just friends." I said, unable to help the sigh in my voice; I had said that so many times to so many different people it wasn't funny anymore. "Are you going to wazz off already?"

Ryder rolled his eyes at my tone, dropping the butt of his now finished cigarette to the floor and crushed it with his toe, despite not wearing any shoes. He stretched up, the joints in his arms and back clicking as he gave another satisfied groan, arching his spine in the weak morning sun. He relaxed again and turned to give me a soft smile, to which I just scowled and turned away. He sighed.

"You know, it was _you_ all over _me_ last night, so don't go acting like the better person when you wanted it just as much."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, rubbing my still pounding temple with my knuckles. "I was wasted, Ryder." I repeated. "And I've just come out of a bad… I don't even think I can call it a relationship, but it hurt, so I was probably beyond desperate too."

"Thanks." He said sarcastically. "And I got the gist of the bad break up thing last night. All I know was you were rambling on about marriage and love and shit like that. I eventually kissed you just to shut up you."

"Oh, well, thanks yourself." I retorted with sarcasm too.

Ryder ran a hand through his short, black hair, still smothered in gel from the night before- bits were stuck up at odd angles or else gluing themselves to the top of his head. He closed his eyes briefly and blew out a breath.

"Look, Tori. I know you hate me, and I guess I gave you a right to do so. But you're a good kid-"

"If this is going to be some sort of apology, Ryder, then save it. It won't work." I interrupted.

"I'm not trying to make anything work." He huffed. "I'm just saying, you a nice girl and I was a jackass for doing what I did to you back at school. You do deserve better, than me or whoever the hell it was who turned you into that wreck. Just, just think about that before you go running back to him, alright?"

I stared up at him in disbelief; only sure the words were his own by watching his mouth move as he spoke. I swallowed and gave a small nod of my head, thinking over each and every word. Did I deserve better? I part of me hoped I did, even hoping I _would_ find someone who'd treat me better than Jade someday, but my heart ached at the thought, knowing that whether I deserved it or not, I didn't _want_ better. I wanted Jade and only Jade, with every flaw, every little crack she put in my heart and, hell, even with a husband, if that's what it took. I may not like it all that much, and I _must_ be completely insane because of it, but the feelings and the need for her would never go away. Ever.

"Thanks, Ryder," I said eventually, looking down at my feet to hide the tears springing up in my eyes.

"S'alright." He placed a large hand on my shoulder, a surprisingly comforting gesture, and gave it a small squeeze. The sound of a car coming to a slow stop reached my ears and I looked up to see Ryder pointing in the direction of the sleek, black vehicle my best friend owned. "I think your ride's here."

I nodded again, about to make my way towards the car that was now parked up on the curb when the passenger side door flew open and seeing the person who was now storming their way over to us almost made my heart stop.

"You stay the _fuck_ away from her, you using _bastard._ You got that!" Every word was spat with a great amount of venom, punctured only by the slam of each boot hitting the floor until Jade West was right in front of us, pulling her fist back so fast then sending it flying forward where it met Ryder's nose with a sickening _crack_.

The tall man staggered backwards with the impact, immediately clutching his hands to his face, a bit of blood trickling through a gap between his fingers. "What the _fuck_ was that for, you psycho bitch!" He cried, hissing at the pain as he spoke.

"Because Tori's song was no where near enough to put you in your place, obviously." She scowled, although clearly pleased herself. A much more slender arm now replaced the muscled one that had been draped over my shoulder seconds ago, but the force was just as strong as Jade steered my stunned self to Andre's awaiting car, the owner of which was still stood by the drivers side door, looking just as shocked as I. "I never want to see you anywhere near her again."

"Jade…" I protested weakly, glancing over my shoulder with an apologetic look to Ryder, who was leaning against the wall of his apartment block, dabbing his streaming nose with his wrist.

"Just get in the car, Vega." Jade said flatly, shoving me into the passenger side she'd just come out of before getting in the back herself, sitting back with her arms folded and a scowl on her face as she glared out of the window to her right. Andre slowly got back into the car and began to drive off without a word.

_I met Jason through Cat's ex-prome date, Tug. We'd bumped into one day at the mall in Bed, Bath and Yonder, and while my red headed friend chatted away to the grinning boy, about spinning light up hats and fire, we stood awkwardly to one side before deciding to start our own conversation._

_I found out he also went to Burbank High with Tug, although they weren't the best of friends they knew each other though their mutual school and job to get along well. He didn't play football like Tug, he was more into the arts, saying he just wanted to pass his art finals then go onto college to study illustration and he offered to show me some of his work sometime, if I wanted to meet up again, to which I happily complied. After an exchange of numbers, his supervisor came to drag him back to work and I left with Cat, promising we'd meet up soon._

_We'd been dating for three weeks now and they had been amazing. He was a great guy, sweet, kind, funny, everything I thought I would look for. Maybe he wouldn't last forever, but for now, he was enough._

_The only downside was Jade. She'd been avoiding me ever since I'd told the gang about Jason, everyone else being so happy for me and supportive, while she just shrunk back, threw a few vicious insults my way about my choice in men before getting up from the table and leaving. It hurt, yes, but I couldn't help but feel a small sense of satisfaction from that reaction. The thing between Jade and I had already been going on for so long, but we hadn't seen each other, alone, in at least a month. If she could have Beck, why couldn't I have somebody else?… if only to take away the pain that ached in my chest every time I remembered that she had Beck, that she wasn't mine. I'd move on if I had to, and Jason was the best candidate for the job._

_I tried to ignore the childish behaviour, far too used to Jade being one way in public and another behind closed doors, but this time there were no closed doors. She couldn't even sit next to me in class or at the lunch table, instead, she threw herself all over Beck like he was her only lifeline, and I hated how it made me feel sick._

_Jason showed up at the end of school one day, he'd finished earlier than us and decided he wanted to pick me up and take me out of the evening. As the six of us rounded the corner from Sikowitz's class to my locker, he walked in through the door at the end of the corridor, a big grin on his face and a red rose in hand._

"_Hey, babe!" He beamed, enveloping me in a tight hug. Immediately, Jade scoffed and walked away, surprisingly not dragging Beck with her. Jason pulled back and gave me a quizzical look, to which I just shook my head, bored of her attitude._

"_She doesn't like public displays of affection." Beck offered with a half shrug._

"_Oh, but it's okay for her to throw herself all over you all week?" I retorted, a little more bitterly than I intended._

_Beck sighed. "I best go see what I can do."_

_Later that night, I practically skipped up the stairs to my room after enjoying an evening out at the movie theatre with my boyfriend. I couldn't deny, it felt nice to have someone to call my own, not having to hide away so no one, especially not their real boyfriend, will find out. It also felt nice to make Jade jealous for once. It was the only explanation I could think of for her behaviour, although I didn't full understand why she would be jealous at all._

_I flung my door open with a satisfied sigh, all ready to collapse on my bed and fall asleep. However, it took all my effort not to scream when I came face to face with a pair of pale green eyes staring at me in the dim moonlight, the owner of which was perched on the very edge of my bed, waiting._

"_Oh! I had such a wonderful night out with my wonderful boyfriend, and we watched a wonderful movie while I gave him a blowjob in the back row!" There was a sour edge to the voice Jade always used to mock me._

"_I did _not_ do _that_!" I hissed, cringing at her crude choice of words as I softly closed my door too. "And I don't talk like that!"_

"_Whatever."_

I clicked my light on and Jade was illuminated to me, dressed in a pair of studded, black skinny jeans, black, high-top converse and a dark hoodie with the logo of a band I didn't know faded across the front. She didn't often dress like this, you could tell it was more for comfort than anything, but somehow it made her look more vulnerable, especially with the lack of make up on her face- I could actually see a light scatter of freckles across her nose.

"_What are you doing here, Jade?"_

_She didn't answer, just shook her head, got up and crossed my room in a few quick strides. Before I knew it, her lips were pressed furiously to mine, her fingers threading through my hair, gripping tight and I gave in straight away, craving the touch that had been missing for over a month, surrendering myself to it once again._

_Jade pulled away slowly, moving so we were just a fraction apart, her forehead pressed to mine, her eyes still closed. "I know you don't want him, Vega. Not really. You can't even stay faithful."_

"_You can't talk to me about staying faithful, Jade." I replied angrily, forcing us apart._

_She smirked. "Whatever, Vega. You can't even tell me that you _do _want him. For someone who's been cheated on and lied to by boys in the past, you'd think you wouldn't do the same back to them."_

"You_ kissed _me_" I seethed through gritted teeth, feeling anger, shame and humiliation boiling inside of me. How can she turn this back on me and make me the bad guy? After all she's done, after all she's still doing… _

"_You kissed me back." Jade stated matter-of-factly. I spluttered with no excuse at hand and Jade just shook her head again, placing another quick, yet soft, kiss to my lips. "Call me when you dump him." She murmured before pushing past me to my door, letting herself out of my room and the house._

Xxx

_**Is it because of this  
>Vacancy that you swear<br>never to, to believe?**_

The car ride was quiet. Even Andre, who usually squirmed in discomfort during long periods of silence, didn't make a noise, not even when some idiot driver cut in front of him. I was too afraid to talk, too confused as to why Jade was here or why she'd walked up and punched Ryder in the face for no real reason, and she just sat in the back, still scowling out of the window with her arms crossed. I could see her in the rear view mirror, and if she knew I was glancing up at it every five seconds, she didn't let it show.

What felt like an age later, we pulled up at a coffee shop. I recognised it immediately as the one just around the corner from Hollywood Arts, a place we used to frequent in our final year and the exact one Jade had been going to every morning ever since she started school there. Andre gave me a meaningful look when we got out of the car and walked through the familiar doors, but none of us said a word until we ordered our usual drinks out of habit and landed the same corner booth we always had those few years ago.

It was getting near Christmas and the small shop was already decked out in all sorts of decorations, from shiny trails of tinsel wrapping their way around everything they could reach, to the two small Christmas trees that sat on either side of the till at the counter, each topped with some ridiculous novelty, supposedly festive coffee cup ornament. I usually loved this time of year, the holiday season always put me in a good mood, but as I looked around, I couldn't help but feel it was all pointless, tacky things that suddenly did nothing to lift my mood.

"Does someone want to explain what's going on!" I finally cracked, pushing my black coffee to one side and glaring at the other two at the table. Andre coughed, placing his own frothy beverage back on the table, whereas Jade continued to sip nonchalantly from hers, her eyes fixed on a spot across the room.

"You two need to talk." Andre said seriously, lacing his fingers together on the table top. "I found Jade wandering the streets yesterday morning and picked her up, making her stay at mine until she'd calmed down, because she was in one hell of a state. It took a lot of effort, but I eventually got her to explain everything, _everything_, and this isn't something you two can just leave lying as it is."

"It's perfectly fine as it is!" Jade snapped at the boy, who rolled his eyes.

"Is it, Tori?"

I froze as he said my name. For the first time since she turned up at my house the previous night, Jade's eyes fell upon me and I swallowed the hard lump that had worked it way into my throat.

"No, no, it's not." My voice was barely a whisper, like it hurt to talk, like nails scratched against my voice box.

"It's been fine for all this time, Tori! Why the hell can't it be now!" Jade slammed her coffee down on the table, the dark liquid splashing out of the Styrofoam cup, possibly scolding her fingers, but she didn't even react to it.

"B-because!" I stammered, biting my lip. "Because things are different! You're married now-"

"He was my boyfriend before, what difference does it make!"

_Déjà vu._

Jade's voiced has raised slightly above the hushed tones we'd been talking in, earning us some stern and slightly confused looks from the nearest table that was occupied. Andre pressed a finger to his lips, ordering her to quieten down- "Do you want the whole damn world to know what's going on?"

"They can mind their own fucking business!" Jade spat, louder still, causing the woman facing in our direction to scowl.

For a long moment, we were silent again, each of us sipping our coffees. The question she'd asked was mulling over in my mind. I don't know why it made such a difference that she was married now. In both cases, it was wrong, but it never felt wrong until that ring was placed upon her finger. She hadn't changed her name, opting to remain a West for professional reasons, but that didn't make her any less Beck's wife, much like it never made her any less Beck's girlfriend.

"B-because it's always been wrong. I knew it before but it's taken this long for it to _really_ sink in." The words spilled from my mouth before I'd realised and I clasped my hand over my lips after they did, wanting to trap any more that may follow. Jade looked up from her coffee cup, equally as stunned as I, maybe even hurt.

I took my hand away and more words poured out before I could stop them. "But, I don't want right. I want you. It's wrong, it's near insanity, and you love Beck, and he loves you but… but, m-maybe I love you too."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Andre's jaw drop, but my attention was fully focused on Jade, whose expression had grown blank. She'd heard me throw the word around during arguments, but I don't think she'd ever believed it before. She told me once, after yet another argument with her boyfriend, that she knew nobody could ever love her, that she though Beck would just say it to keep her sweet, but things like this, their fights, their break ups, were proof that it wasn't true. I wanted to tell her there and then how I truly felt, but I was too afraid… not that she'd believe it anyway.

I'm not sure what I was expecting, maybe I longed for her to say those three little words back, maybe I hoped she'd walk around the table and kiss me senseless, not caring about anyone else, just me and her. Instead of doing anything my wishful thoughts brought to mind, Jade stood up from the table, gave me one last, long look, and walked out of the coffee shop without a word.

The silence was pressing. The little bell tinkling rang loudly and I think every customer in the place was looking between me and the door with their mouths hanging open, all thoughts of the cooling coffee in front of them forgotten. I remained staring at the half empty cup that now sat abandoned at our table, gazing transfixed at the small indents left by Jade's finger nails where she'd gripped too hard after I'd said my piece, not quite believing what had happened.

"Tori." Andre's soothing voice sounded far way, even as he scooted up next to me. His large hand covered my own that lay upon the table and I didn't realise was shaking until now. "Tori, breathe."

Air rushed from my lungs in a sob I didn't realise I'd been holding in. I quickly covered it with a very weak, fake cough then took to sipping my coffee instead, not wanting to cry at all, let alone in front of so many people.

"I'm taking you home." Andre murmured, gripping my upper arm firmly and hoisting me up from my seat before I could protest.

Xxx

_**Honestly, honest me,  
>With a look that's so deceiving,<br>I'll bite, chew, swallow, and  
>Digest the hands that feed me.<br>With a bayonet for a tongue,  
>Swallow swords inadvertently<br>And to the organ flame I'll maintain a close adjacency.**_

_**I have so many things  
>I would like to explain to you<br>Farewell to all the days you were  
>Within my reach<strong>_

Andre came to visit every day, sometimes only for a few minutes, sometimes staying over 'til late at night, but he always came. Trina even called every so often, much more than she ever used to. At first, two days after we'd gone out, she called to check if I were still alive and rambled on and on about the guy she met at the bar and why she'd left me to deal with Ryder alone. I couldn't believe it when she actually apologised when I had chance to explain where _I _ended up, nor could I believe she actually sympathised with me when I told her about the coffee shop, although she remained adamant that I should forget anything to do with Jade West and just get on with my life.

If only it were that easy.

The holiday season meant the studio had shut for the time being. At the beginning of the month my parents had called to say they were vacationing away for the holidays, but promised to call on Christmas day if they got the chance, and I really didn't feel like spending all this time with just Trina, so I was alone. Andre was sticking with tradition and going to his Grandma's for the big day, mentally preparing himself for all the craziness that would ensue this year, but that didn't stop him from wanting me to get into the Christmas spirit. Every time he'd come over for more than 5 minutes he'd try to convince me to put decorations up in my bare looking apartment, scolding me for leaving it this long when every other year I'd had the place covered in all things Christmas before November had even ended.

But this year I couldn't bring myself to do anything. Once Andre had got me home from the coffee shop after Jade walked out, and plopped me down on my couch, that was pretty much where I remained. I returned to the zombie-like state I had been in weeks ago, but this time I steered clear of the alcohol, just the sight of it made me want to puke. Days blurred into one another and with the little time we'd had left at the studio, I didn't do any work that could've helped me with the album. The company were beginning to get frustrated with me, it was a relief to all of us when our last day came, we'd been getting no where and I was sure I was close to getting dropped.

With just days left until the 25th, my apartment was still as empty as ever and I had hardily moved from the couch.

Everything hurt and I didn't understand it. I knew I should've expected this, it was Jade after all, how could she not choose her long term and adoring boyfriend- _husband_, I reminded myself- over her pathetic little play thing that had served all its purpose? Yet, I couldn't help but think that every moment we spent together had meant something, every time she'd turn up on my doorstep unannounced, every night she stayed and I'd wake up to find her _still there_, every time she'd tell me something, no matter how small and insignificant, and she'd let me in just a little further. My heart had fooled itself into thinking the thing between us was a real relationship and I was a fool for going along with it.

10:30 pm on Christmas Eve found me curled up on said couch, my arms wrapped tightly around the cushion I held close to my body as I stared absently at _Elf_ as it played on one of the channels for the billionth time in the past week. I murmured along to Jovie singing _Baby, It's Cold Outside,_ remembering the time Andre and I did a duet of it for the school Christmas show one year, and slowly whipped away the lonely tear as it trickled down my cheek.

When my doorbell rang, I jumped so violently I actually fell off the couch. I grunted in pain as I landed face first on the floor and groaned as I got to my knees, listening to the impatient knocking that had started up the second the doorbell had rung.

"ALRIGHT, I'M COMING!" I hollered, wondering who in their right mind it could be at this time on this day. I wasn't expecting anyone at all.

I stumbled on my way to the door, clicking the lock open quickly and any thought of yelling at my sudden visitor were cut abruptly at the stony face that was revealed to me on the other side.

"B- Beck?" I spluttered. He didn't respond, he didn't even look at me as he pushed his way past, walking over to lean against my kitchen counter. "W-what are you doing here? I thought you and J-Jade were spending Christmas in New York."

This was the first time I'd seen Beck Oliver since the wedding. Whereas there he looked happy, made up and as handsome as ever, right now he looked rough- the large, tan coat he was wearing seemed hastily shoved on, his hair a wild mess from running his fingers through it too many times, a habit he still hadn't broken from school. It frightened me, even more so when his face remained expressionless, yet his eyes seemed so cold. This wasn't the Beck I was used to.

"Did Jade tell you that?" He asked flatly.

"Er… well, n-no." I hung my head. "I haven't spoken to her since- um…"

"Since the last time you two slept together?" He said it like he was offering a throwaway comment, and that scared me more than the accusation. He usually avoided confrontation; he'd never been so quick to get straight to the point.

"Beck… I-I-"

"Don't even try to deny it, Tori. She told me _everything_." His nonchalant tone was suddenly full of malice.

"E-everything?"

"_Everything._" He repeated. He was gripping the counter behind him so hard his knuckles turned a blinding white, his forearms were shaking as if it was taking all his control to stay exactly where he was. "I know about all her meetings in LA, all her sudden trips to the bathroom or the janitor's closet. She even skipped her father's birthday to be here, with you, didn't she!"

I didn't respond, I _couldn't _respond. A tidal wave of guilt hit my stomach in an instant, turning my throat dry and making my eyes sting. I tried to swallow, making an audible gulp, shifting my weight from foot to foot as I stared at the floor, unable to bring myself to look at Beck.

"Dammit, Tori!" He suddenly yelled, making me jump. It was followed by a smashing sound and I looked up to find the glass I had used earlier now shattered on the ground, having been pushed from where it was sat innocently on the counter just by Beck's arm. I watched a muscle twitch in his jaw; Beck was usually so good at controlling his emotions, the only other time I'd seen such an outburst was when he yelled at Jade during Sinjin's game show. I both loved and hated him for that. As much as he had humiliated Jade, it bought the two of us closer, not only in the physical way our 'relationship' had been before hand, but we got to know each other, and from there I fell for her just a little bit more.

"You told me not to deny it." I muttered bravely, bringing my eyes from the shards of glass, finally up to his face.

Both his eyebrows raised in what seemed to be shock at me answering back, I fought against the smirk that threatened to sneak its way onto my face, something I knew Jade would've accepted in an instant.

"So, it is true?" He asked, his brow now creasing in the middle.

I scoffed, I couldn't help it. "I thought Jade told you everything."

There was a moment's pause.

"Why?"

The one simple word was so venerable, so full of hurt and rage and confusion. I met his eye and my heart froze at the pitiful, lost look staring back at me, it was so unlike Beck it unnerved me. Sure, some of the characters he'd played before have been hurt and he's portrayed the emotions so very well, but to see it so _real_ on _his _face, not while acting, it made me hate myself even more for getting into this mess in the first place.

"For the same reason you dated her, the same reason you proposed and married her." I took a deep breath, already feeling a tear fall. "I love her."

_Crash!_ I could barely blink before the sounds of breaking china reached my ears where Beck, in what could only be a fit of rage, shoved everything that lay on my kitchen counter to the floor- a stack of clean plates and cutlery, my song notebook and pen, an unopened bottle of Diet Dr Fizz that bounced off the floor and burst, it's contents spraying all over my brand new rug. I flinched as I watched him recover, his nostrils fairing, his whole body convulsing with anger and his slow, deep breathing barely calming him down. I felt sick, knowing I was the cause of such uncharacteristic behaviour in the boy I called my friend, or at least used to. Our relationship had never really been the same since I walked in on them at that fateful party.

"You _love _her?" He spat. "After all she's ever done to you?"

"I can't help it." Came a childish response from my open mouth.

Beck laughed, running his fingers through his matted hair. "That doesn't even make _sense_! She made your life a living _hell_ at school, Tori. How the fuck could you possibly love someone like that?"

I frowned at his words, feeling my own anger begin to course through my veins. I remembered the time _he _tried to kiss _me_, all the things he said about Jade and the Platinum Music Awards and everything else. I took it then as him still being bitter over the break up, but the tables had really turned back then, when he showed that side of himself and Jade responded with an act of kindness, letting me perform instead of her, actually coming close to calling me a friend, not just some fuck buddy who was there when she needed. And she actually smiled a real smile in my direction. I marked it down as another day I fell even further for Jade West.

"She's not always been like that." I defended.

"Just 'cause she fucks you, doesn't mean she likes you, Tori." The words struck painfully as if he had physically thrown them at me. They were almost gloating, edged with humour. "I heard a rumour that you and Ryder Daniels hooked up again not so long ago. Tell me, do you love him too?"

"That was a mistake!" I shouted. "I was drunk, I was lonely, he was there…"

"Who does that sound like!" He bellowed back. "She'd come running to you when she was lonely, or sad. It's not because she felt anything for you, Tori, it's because _you were there._"

I didn't like this Beck; I didn't like him at all. I wanted to know what happened to the old Beck, the one who'd comfort you instead of screaming accusations, the one who could forgive and forget, not break anything in his way. Guilt gripped me once again when I realised I'd made him this way, _I'd_ made him lose his temper, lose control; _I'd _ruined his relationship with the one girl he loved. Every word made another impact, dealt me another blow which I knew I deserved

"S-she just kept coming back." I said softly, the tears now cascading down my cheeks, his own threatening to fall. "I couldn't say no. She needed me."

"She had me." His voice was barely a whisper, it was drained and child like, so full of hurt I thought I may burst with shame. There was a sniff, followed by a long, shuddering exhale and a tear finally crept from the corner of his eye.

"Beck, I-"

"No, Tori." He cut in forcefully. "I don't want to hear it. I came here to say-" He took a deep breath in, pressing his wrist to his eye to stem the tear flow. "I came here to say, you're welcome to each other."

"W-what?" I spluttered, chasing after Beck as he quickly began to make his way to the door.

He whirled around, his features twisted into something bitter and angry and broken, it felt like an ice cold knife dug deep into my chest, slicing the tiny remains of my already stomped on, beaten, aching and broken heart.

"You're welcome to each other." He repeated, backing into the door and fumbling a little for the doorknob. "How am I supposed to live with someone who goes running into someone else's arms the second we have an argument?"

He finally found the cold, metal handle and was just about to turn it when the door was shoved open again, straight into his back. Shocked and winded, Beck stumbled forward, falling into me, gasping in surprise at my latest visitor.

"I told you not to come here!" Jade spat as she stormed into my apartment. Her voice cracked, her make up left dark tear tracks dried on her pale cheeks and her finger jabbed straight into Beck's chest before curling into a fist, hitting him in a half hearted punch.

"Oh!" Beck said loudly, instantly sparking an argument. "So, _you're _allowed to come here whenever you want to cheat on your husband, but _I'm _not allowed to confront my so called friend over this!"

Jade slammed the door closed with a violent kick backwards, her eyes narrowed at Beck the whole time. I glanced between the two of them, vividly reminded of the argument that lead to their biggest break up, the one that took place in my parents house, in front of all our friends- and Trina- Jade's countdown to the end ringing in my ears.

She had been so broken, but she never let it show, only in private where things got rougher than they had ever before, a mixture of anger and wanting to forget. I tried to calling it off, to give her time to get over the break up in a different way, but she couldn't take another rejection in such a short space of time. I succumbed, how could I not?

"I told you the truth, what more do you want?" Jade hissed, turning so she was now stood beside me, her arms crossed tightly over her chest, hugging the leather jacket that hung off her shoulders close.

Beck laughed, a high pitched squeak of hysteria. "What do you _think _I want, Jade! I want _this_ to end!" His finger formed a triangle pointing between us. "You can't have two people! You're _married _to one of them! This, this is an affair. It's _cheating._ It's completely against our vows."

"It's never been a problem before-"

"I NEVER KNEW ABOUT IT BEFORE!" Beck roared, making both Jade and I flinch. He pushed his way past, back into my apartment where he collapsed on the sofa. _Elf _was still playing quietly on the television and I almost laughed at the absurdity of it, such a sweet, fun, family film being the backing track to a marriage breaking down. "We've barely been married two months, Jade." His voice was now muffled by his palm as his head fell between his knees. "You couldn't think to tell me this before that?"

Jade scoffed. "The plan was not to tell you at all."

"So why now?" Beck growled, pulling his head back to face her, the tears welling in his eyes once more.

Jade's mouth hung open for a second before snapping shut, her loss for words evident. I stood just behind her, feeling like I shouldn't be here, witnessing such a personal moment between the two, yet I couldn't run away from it, knowing I was the reason, at least partly to blame. Like Beck, I needed to know Jade's reasoning behind telling the man she loved about her affair now, why she could no longer keep it a secret when she had managed to do so for so long before, when she was the one insisting it continued without anyone knowing.

"I needed to know if you'd still love me no matter what." The murmured words were barely a whisper breaking through the tense silence that had settled.

Beck's long fingers hooked together tightly, clenching and unclenching as his jaw worked slowly, trying to find the words. Some joyous laughter from the TV filled the silence in a surreal moment, so out of place that it almost sounded mocking.

"Maybe that's the problem." He said quietly after a while of contemplating. "Maybe I love you too much. But maybe this has hurt me just a bit too much more."

He stood up abruptly, digging his hands into the pockets of the long jacket he hadn't taken off. With his head hung, he pushed his way between Jade and I again- I hadn't even realised how close we'd been standing until he knocked into both of our shoulders, forcing us apart. He was back by the door seconds later, his hand wrapped around the handle, his arm trembling slightly as he held back tears he didn't want to fall.

"Do you love Tori?" He spoke to the floor, swallowing hard.

Jade stared at him for the longest moment, her lips pressed thinly together, remaining silent.

"That's all I needed." He sighed, finally raising his head to the two of us, before giving the handle a vicious yank. "Merry Christmas."

"Wait!" Jade called, jamming her foot between him and the door so he couldn't open it any further. "You're giving up on us, just like that?"

"No, Jade." His fingers knotted into his hair as he looked down at the woman I knew he'd loved for so long, through all the arguments and fights, the ups and downs, someone who'd always been there in someway. This was the final straw. "You gave up on us the second you came running to Tori, the second you took this beyond a friend seeking advice and you couldn't answer my question." He took a deep breath, exhaling harshly through his nose. "Do you love Tori?"

"I-" Jade squeaked, looking down at her own shoes now. My heart thumped in my ears, needing her answer just as much as Beck did, but my reasons made me feel sick, selfish and twisted. "I was never meant to."

"Then I can't do this any more." Beck squeezed past her, making his way out the door. "I won't stand in your way any longer."

She didn't stop him this time, she watched him go, letting the door shut quietly behind him without so much as moving to open it again. Instead, she just turned on her heel and walked over to the couch, dropping into the seat he had previously occupied, falling into the same position he had taken up, hunched over with her head in her hands. The difference was, she let the tears flow freely.

I stood rooted to the spot, being eaten alive by guilt, while at the same time some sick, bitter, yet inappropriately happy part of me was jumping for joy. It made me feel worse to know I was pleased this had happened, that deep down I had always wanted them to end, even if it killed me to see Jade's broken hearted form sobbing over my coffee table.

I'm not sure when instinct kicked in, but it uprooted me from the place by my door, dragging my feet so I sat beside the girl in tears, gathering her up into my arms and rocking her gently from side to side, like I'd done few times before, when a fight got too much for her to handle. Neither of us spoke and it wasn't long before I felt the silent tears slide down my face too, dripping from my chin as I nuzzled my nose into her hair, trying desperately to comfort us both.

It felt like hours later, but it was just a few minutes, when we had both calmed down, save for some soft hiccups that fell from the darker haired girls mouth. She was the one to push us back so we lay down on the sofa, snuggling up to me and holding so tight like she was hanging on for dear life. She was the one who broke the silence with a few heart wrenching words.

"It's really over now, isn't it?"

"Do you want it to be?" I murmured back, my lips finding their way to her forehead to press a gentle kiss.

I felt her shrug, followed by a small sigh against my neck. "I- I think I do. It's for the best, isn't it?"

"That's up to you." I answered truthfully, wrapping my arms around her. She was exhausted, almost asleep on my shoulder, and I didn't want to let her go. So selfish, yet it felt so right. "But, I'll always be here for you, whatever you decide."

The nod was a small movement, and I felt her lips barely brush the underside of my jaw before she drifted off. I lay awake a while longer, watching the clock as it ticked to midnight, bringing in Christmas Day. I thought of all the children tucked up in bed, pretending to sleep, but with one eye half open, trying to catch a glimpse of Santa Claus and his sack full of presents and toys for all the girls and boys. The child inside me wished he would appear now, but maybe with a sleigh full of happiness, something to make the pain heal faster, not just for me, or Jade, but for Beck too. He was out there now, possibly driving home, just as broken as the girl who now lay in my arms, maybe even more so. I never wished ill on him, he had always been a good friend- I was the one who fucked things up.

I shifted a little to get more comfortable, my gaze falling to the head lying on my chest, the body curled around mine. There was a small, almost unnoticeable smile playing on her lips that made my heart flutter with hope and as I, too, drifted off into my dreams, my last thought being _perhaps this won't be so bad after all_.

_**And as of right now everything is making perfect sense.  
>As of right now everything is making perfect sense.<strong>_


	3. It Hurts

**A/N: Hey! Sorry it's been a while, but inspiration's a bitch (as is proofreading... so I'll apologise now for any mistakes) and I couldn't find a song to go with this one, so I skipped that bit altogether. But the title was inspired by Angels and Airwaves, so there's that... and, I guess the song is a little suitable... Anyway, I'm back with another chapter! Enjoy! Oh, and, I'm a couple of days late, but Happy New Year ;)**

**(As per usual, flashbacks are in **_italics_**)**

* * *

><p>Waking up on my own was something I had become accustom to: the short moment where your hanging on the very edge of sleep, not quite conscious to the real world and everything that has happened, possibly still partly in a dream, until reality comes crashing back down around you and all you feel is the bitter disappointment and sadness that is now the beginning of your every day.<p>

Hell, I'd even gotten used to waking up on my couch, or, more commonly, rolling off the couch and waking up from the impact of hitting the floor.

Thankfully, that didn't happen today. Instead, I stretched out with a satisfied groan as my back clicked, waiting for the sleepy haze to clear from my mind as I registered something I definitely wasn't used to anymore- the clink of cutlery against china, some angry grumbling, the click of my stove being turned off and the mouth watering smell of pancakes drifting over from my kitchen.

I tried to push myself up into a sitting position, to see over the top of the couch, but as I did, a figure made their way around to stand right in front of me, their arm thrust out offering me a plate staked high with the syrup smothered food.

"Merry Christmas." Jade murmured, far from merry herself, as she dropped to sit on my coffee table with her own pile of pancakes.

I blink up at her for a moment, registering the scowl and slight red around the eyes as they looked down, anywhere but at me, before accepting the plate. "Thanks." I said in a voice still croaky from sleep. "Uh, Merry Christmas to you too."

She nodded once before we both began to eat in silence. I couldn't help but glance up at Jade every so often, she looked so vulnerable; her posture slumped and shrunk, like she was trying to hold herself together, the clothes she still had on from the night before were wrinkled and creased from sleep, her hair tangled and falling over her shoulders in messy ringlets. There was a smudge of flour falling across her nose to her right cheek, looking as it if it had been hastily wiped at, but unsuccessfully removed. My gaze travelled up further until it was met with a lost stare, the shining blend of bluey green that were Jade West's eyes seem dull as they looked deep into the chocolate brown of my own, her fork poised in front of her mouth, frozen in place with the bit of pancake dripping sugary sauce onto her plate going unnoticed.

We held this for a while, barely a breath passing between us, until I subconsciously lent forward and smoothed my thumb softly over the flour a couple of times, finally getting rid of it. Jade shuddered ever so slightly, leaning into the touch with her eyes falling closed and a heavy, trembling sigh escaping her lips. My hand remained, cupping her cheek as I watched her chest heave, a sign she was desperately trying to hold back the tears that would soon win. I gently picked her plate and fork from her clutch, placing them with my own on one for the couch cushions as I moved to sit beside her on the table. She immediately fell into my embrace, hunching over and letting a whimper rip from her chest. I circled my arms around her, holding her tight, keeping her a close as it was humanly possible as every sob rattled her body. I couldn't stand to see her so broken, but I knew I could do nothing more than hold her, waiting for the pain to ease. Right now, nothing mattered but Jade.

Ten minutes went by, the sobs turned dry, all the tears spilled and gone. Jade's arms had found their way around my waist, holding me just as tight as I was holding her, her head resting on my now tear soaked shoulder. My cheek was pressed to her forehead, allowing me to occasionally turn to place a small kiss to her crown, murmuring sweet nothings to try to calm her as my hand gently rubbed up and down her back. It wasn't long before she let out a small, choked cough and pushed herself away from me, standing up to take the long forgotten pancakes over to the kitchen and chuck them in the trash with the unspoken understanding that neither of us were very hungry any more. She busied herself with washing the plates, but her grip was lax and soon a plate slipped from her grasp, smashing against the sink, cutting a long slice into her finger.

"Sorry." Jade growled with a hint of anger, I couldn't tell if she really meant the apology. She took her hand out of the water and watch as the blood tricked from the wound in fascination.

"S'alright." I said, standing up myself. It was the first time I got to look around the apartment since the previous night and the small amount of damage that had been was still scattered around, untouched. "I'm going to need some new plates anyway."

Jade nodded slowly, her eyes still fixed on watching the blood flow, before she turned and walked over to my bathroom, where a keep all of my first aid stuff. I heard her as she rummaged around in the cabinet before she came back with three pink, Hello Kitty band aids wrapped around her finger.

"It's all I could find in your poor excuse for a medical kit, Vega." She said, her nose wrinkled in disgust and almost sounding like her usual self.

I shrugged, smiling awkwardly. "Cat cut her knee when she was staying over and, uh, she chose them."

Jade tensed, obviously remembering as clearly as I the final day of Cat's stay. I hadn't heard a thing from the girl since she left me the note and that's not from a lack of trying. I called her cell at least three times a day, every day after she left, in hope she would let me try to explain. Not that I really knew how to explain the situation in a way that would make any of it sound good. After two weeks of unanswered phone calls and hearing the same cheery voice mail message over and over, I gave up, knowing it was a lost cause. Cat was never good at holding a grudge, so if it went on this long, you know you've done something _really _bad.

"Have- have you spoken to her since… you know?" I asked cautiously, biting my lip.

Jade shook her head. "No. She confronted me when she caught me, um, sneaking out the next morning and told me I needed to sort myself out, but I haven't seen her…"

I murmured a noise of agreement as Jade trailed off. We fell into silence after that, both non verbally agreeing that the mess on the floor needed clearing up; Jade still had her boots on, but I was bare foot, unwilling to move around the place in fear of getting impaled by broken china. We picked up the biggest pieces first, piling them on the counter top before dropping to our hands and knees again, searching for more. I leant forward to pick up one half of a broken plate, just as Jade reached over for the other and we met in the middle, the top of my head knocking into the underside of her jaw as I went to move away.

"Sorry." I mumbled softly, drawing back a little to meet Jade's eye.

We held another, silent, intense stare, the air feeling thick and heavy around us as this time I subconsciously moved forward to press my lips to her own. It was gentle, a moment long with no movement, and I could feel every ounce of guilt and hesitation behind it before Jade tore herself away, dropping her half of the broken plate we were still clutching in our hands, cracking it straight down the middle.

"We- we can't" She breathed, unable to look me in the eye again. "We can't"

"Why not?" I selfishly blurted, unthinking. "Jade, please! I want to help! I want to make you feel better-"

"This isn't the way, Tori!" She jumped to her feet, glaring down at me and breathing out a deep sigh. "Why is it, whenever you try to _help, _everything always comes out even more damaged than it did before?"

I barely had time to gape at her, stuttering over an angry, nonexistent reply, before she stormed off and was out the door, leaving me alone in my apartment like many, many times before. My piece of plate fell from my fingers, clattering to the ground beside its companion when I got up and stomped off to my bedroom, ignoring everything and collapsing on the bed, in hope of some proper sleep.

Xxx

_Beck and Jade were having another one for their arguments in the middle of school. I didn't know what it was about this time, but I was sure I'd find out later as she paced in front of me in my bedroom, spiting out an angry rant that got her worked up until she couldn't take it any more and I found myself pinned to the bed with a mark that was sure to bruise staining my shoulder…_

"_I'm sure Beck's going to need to wear a blindfold to school." Andre commented as he walked towards me, startling me before my thoughts ended up in dangerous territories._

"_Huh?" I replied dumbly, still watching the two bicker from across the hall._

_Andre leaned back against the lockers, fighting off a knowing smirk as he sipping from his coffee cup. "Apparently he was looking at another girl for 'far too long, like he wanted to get in her pants'" He said, waggling his fingers in air quotations._

_I only nodded in reply as Jade slammed her locker shut and stormed down the hall, sparing me a short, seething look as she passed, one that made me shudder in a mix of fear and anticipation. I watched her until she disappeared around the corner, only turning back at the amused chuckle coming from the boy beside me._

"_Man, you've got it bad." He commented, his eyes twinkling in mirth. "I swear, you're worse than me when I was crushing."_

"_Ooo! Who's crushing on who!?" The snappy reply I was about to make ("Shut up, Andre") was interrupted by a cheery voice as Cat skipped over, Robbie trailing slightly behind with Rex on his arm. Cat was bouncing on the balls of her feet, her eyes darting between Andre and I, excitedly awaiting this piece of gossip that was meant to go unheard by her ears, or anyone's ears for that matter._

"_Vega's got a crush!" Andre smirked, purposely using my last name. _She _was the only one who ever did that and I smacked him on the arm, shooting daggers as he sniggered._

"_Tori!" Cat squealed in delight. "Why didn't you say!? Who is he? Does he like you back? I'm sure he does, you are very pretty-"_

"_It's no one, Cat." I cut her rambles off, slightly annoyed by the use of pronouns, not that Cat would know. "It- it's nothing really. Just a silly school girl crush…"  
><em>

"_Far more than that" Andre muttered over a fake cough, which thankfully went unnoticed by the little red head._

_Another thing I was thankful for was Cat's short attention span, which quickly lead the conversation into safer grounds, something about Robbie's little sister and a fight the two siblings had over a pair of jeans they both insisted were theirs. As Robbie tried to make us understand his side of the story and Rex made his usual insulting comments, I watched Beck now appear from where he'd been to his locker after the argument, his face as stony as ever. He stopped between Cat and I, his presence making Robbie pause mid squabble with his puppet, and grumbled a quick "hey" to the four- five- of us, earning uncertain greetings in response._

"_Jade's pretty mad again, huh?" Andre broke the tension, referring not only to the quarrel we'd just witnessed, but the increasing amount of fights over the past few weeks._

"_When is Queen Gank not mad?" Rex chimed in only for his owner to clasp a hand over his mouth._

"_Oh yeah." Beck responded in an almost bored tone. "I don't know what it is that's working her up, but she likes to take it out on me at every opportunity."_

'_You and me both' I bit my lip to stop myself saying it out loud._

"_Isn't it, you know, annoying?" Robbie asked, his hand still covering Rex who was making muffled protests that went ignored._

"_Eh." Beck shrugged. "It would be, if I didn't know it'll all blow over tomorrow and she'd be back to her normal… well, her less angry self."_

_I scowled. How can he be so impassive about this? If only he knew exactly what was putting Jade in a better mood after each argument. If only he knew he should be the one fearing cheating, not her. Would he just shrug it off and wait for things to 'go back to normal' as he always did? Or will he actually show some sort of emotion when it came to his relationship with Jade?_

"_You okay there, Tori?" The boy in question asked, disturbing me from my angry thoughts._

"_She's probably thinking about the boy she likes" Cat giggled, winking at me_

_I rolled my eyes as all the attention was on my again, then shook my head, slamming my own locker too in defiance. "We" I said, emphasising myself by twirling my finger around, pointing at each member of my circle of friends. "are no longer going to discuss this. It is nothing, and it will remain nothing. Got that?"_

_Everyone nodded, yet each still gave me a sceptical look, even they could tell it was far from nothing. As the bell rang, we all dispersed to our different classes, only for Andre to remain behind, grabbing me by the arm as I went to walk away._

_"Why do you let her do this to you?" He asked seriously, all playful manner from before dropped._

"_You know why, Andre." I tugged my arm from his grip and his hand fell limply by his side, a look similar to pity gracing his features. "I know it's wrong and unhealthy, sick and twisted, but it's all I've got." I heard him sigh deeply as I walked away._

"So, she upped and left again, just like that?"

It was two in the afternoon on what was turning out to be the worse Christmas day of my life. As I'd curled up on the sofa, a cup of warm cocoa in hand, ready to waste the day away watching yet more cheesy Christmas movies, my apartment door was almost beat down with the force of someone's knocking. I had to hide my disappointment when I got up and opened it to reveal a half frozen Andre on the other side, as opposed to who would usually attack my door in such a violent way.

Once he'd finished grumbling about the weather and explaining to me how his grandmother freaked out over Christmas dinner, claiming she didn't know anyone in the room before kicking them all out and running upstairs to hide under her bed, he kindly asked how my day was going. I spent the next half hour filling him in on the events of last night, while he swapped my supply of cocoa for the eggnog and bandy he'd brought with him, smuggled from his grandma's and hidden under his jacket.

"Pretty much!" I sighed, taking an extra long sip of the yellowish liquid. "It's, like, the only thing she knows how to do! She's all good at starting petty arguments over nothing, but when it comes to something big, something _real,_ she runs away like a scared little child!"

"Woah, easy tiger!" Andre laughed as he took the carton from my hands- which was pretty much pure brandy by now- and placed it on the table, out of reach. "I think someone's had enough of that." He chuckled again as I pouted, but shook his head. "Nuh uh. You practically became an alcoholic last time, remember? To the point you actually swore off the stuff. Until… well, just now, I guess…"

"Fine." I complied as he trailed off.

"Good." He reclined back in his seat, kicking his feet up on the table. "So, now what are you going to do?"

I glanced around the apartment, at the pile of broken things that still lay on my floor, abandoned after Jade had left. "Clean." I answered, earning a groan from Andre. "And can we please take these lame excuses for decorations down? I'm really not feeling in the Christmas spirit anymore."

It took some coaxing, and the bribery of a bottle of wine I had hidden away in a cupboard, to convince Andre to help me tidy the place, but he was soon up on his feet, taking down the minimal decorations he'd made me put up just a few days earlier, mumbling something about being a Grunch under his breath. I ran to grab my PearPad from my bedroom, blasting out some cheerful pop songs in an attempt to bring the mood back up and soon enough, Andre had rescued what was now his bottle of wine, pouring us each a large glass- so much for keeping me off alcohol- as we continued our cleaning spree.

I swept up the shattered remains of my dinnerware, belting out some Ginger Fox hit from years ago as it filled my little apartment, with Andre proving the backing vocals in a ridiculous, high pitched voice he seemed to think matched the singer on the track. I burst into a fit of giggles when a particularly high note caused him to squeak like a teenage boy who'd just hit puberty and his weak cough to cover it up only made me laugh more.

Only dregs remained of the wine once we got my apartment back into a reasonable state to live in. I dumped the plastic bags full of garbage by the door to remind myself to take it out sometime soon before skipping back to my couch, where Andre was sat with the bottle in hand, pouting.

"I can't believe we drank it all" He whined, holding the bottle upside down above his mouth, attempting to catch the last few drops on his tongue.

"It's your fault." I giggled, snatching it away. "Yoooou're the one who kept pouring more glasses."

Andre grinned as he got off my couch, slowly backing over to the kitchen. "But, you're the one with the secret wine stash!" He said, before diving forward to begin flinging open every cupboard I owned.

"Hey!" I yelled after a moment, cottoning on to what he was doing. "That was my last bottle and you know it!"

"I don't believe you!" He called back, his voice muffled as he stuck his head in my refrigerator.

With Andre distracted searching in the wrong places, I quietly made my way over to the kitchen, opening the smallest cupboard to take out what was really my last bottle of wine. Unfortunately, Andre turned around at the last moment, just as I was closing the cupboard door, and spotted me, his eyes locking on the bottle.

"Gimme!" He all but cried, diving for the alcohol.

"Never!" I yelled, holding the wine high in the air and darting past him to counters on the other side. Andre stumbled, his arms flailing as he tried to grab me, but missed.

"You're a cruel one, Tori Vega!" He laughed, spinning around to face me. He began to walk up slowly as I backed away until I bumped into the counter, which was much closer than I originally thought. Andre grinned, noticing he had me trapped. "I get kicked out of my Gran's on Christmas day and instead of cheering me up, you make me clean and keep the alcohol away from me!"

I hid the bottle behind my back as Andre got even closer, placing his arms either side of me on the counter so I had no escape. "Hey, you think you've had it bad? Try having the husband of the girl you've been having an affair with confronting you, smashing your things to pieces, then said girl running out on you when you think things might finally be heading your way."

He chuckled. By now, he was so close I could smell the sweet scent of the wine on his breath and the special Christmas cologne he wore every year- a musky, warm fragrance that was leaving me light headed. Something in me switched off and all I could see were his lips, the quick swipe of his tongue that ran over them, leaving them moist, so inviting, so tempting.

_Maybe if I… I just… maybe I can forget about Jade_…

I grab the collar of his shirt, tugging him forward until we meet, our lips brushing together for the briefest of moments before he pulled away, stepping back with his eyes wide and his hands raised in surrender.

"Woah, wait, Tori. This isn't right."

My fingertips reached up to graze over my lips, my eyebrows drawn in a frown. Nothing. I felt absolutely nothing.

"You're right." I mumbled, before looking up at him with apologetic eyes. "God, Andre! I'm so sorry! I just… I just wanted to see what it would be like, but… it's just not the same-"

Andre shook his head with a slight laugh. "Hey, don't sweat it!" He was beaming again, swinging an arm around my shoulders. "We'll put it down to the alcohol and us being two lonely, old souls with only each other for company on Christmas Day."

"You really know how to make a girl feel special, don't you 'Dre"

I turned my head to see him wrinkle his nose in disgust. "I thought I told you not to call me that." He scolded playfully, prodding me in a rather ticklish spot below my ribs, making me squeal and jerk away from him.

"What's the problem, 'Dre? Don't you like being called 'Dre? I think it suits you, 'Dre!" I giggled, leaving the wine on the counter and running to the opposite side of the apartment so Andre couldn't get me.

"Oh, you'll pay for that!" He teased, chasing after me.

Soon enough, the two of us were crashing around my apartment, our laughter so loud it drowned out the music still blaring from my PearPad. He caught up pretty quick, grabbing me around the waist, lifting me up as I squealed and kicked my legs, trying to get away. Unfazed by my fight, Andre carried me back to the couch, dumping me so I was sprawled across it before collapsing in the small space beside me, the both of us out of breath but still grinning.

"Do you think we would've made a good couple, if things were different?" I asked once we'd calmed down. We'd shifted around, making ourselves more comfortable so I now lay on my side, my arm draped across Andre's stomach while he staring up at the ceiling, his arms tucked behind his head.

"Oh yeah, girl!" He agreed immediately, smiling up at a slight water stain directly above us. "We'd dominate the world together! But, alas, your heart belongs to another, while mine is still searching for the one."

We sighed in unison.

"You mean my heart's been torn apart and thrown under a bus by someone else." I mumbled glumly, burying my nose in his shoulder. "You must think I'm a total idiot, still wanting to be with her, after everything."

"Yeah." I knew Andre was smirking. He wiggled an arm free and slipped it around me, trailing his fingertips up and down my back. "But, the heart wants what the heart wants, and it's not an easy fight. Remember when I had that crush on Jade?" I nodded against his neck. "It took me so long to properly get over it. Even after singing that song and all the stuff you did to try to help me, there was still a little somethin' tugging at my heart strings, not letting go."

"I dressed up as her!" I groaned at the memory "And did a terrible, terrible impression of her."

"Yeah ya did."

We lapsed into a comfortable silence with nothing but the sound of our breathing filling the air, my Pearpad having run out of juice a short time ago. Andre was lazily drawing patterns on my back with his finger but I could feel him slowly dozing off, the alcohol wearing out on both of us. I'm not sure how long we lay like this, or how soon we fell asleep, but we were both startled back to consciousness by a very loud banging on my door, rattling the wood on its hinges.

"For chiz sake!" I groaned, untangling myself from Andre, who was groggily wondering what was going on, and stumbling to my feet. "Does no one here know how to knock like a normal person!"

I grumbled and growled as I walked to the door, snatching my keys off the hook I'd left them on. It took a couple of attempts to get the key in the lock, the pounding on the door making it shake so hard, but I managed it, yanking the door open and scowling at the person on the other side, until I realised who it was.

"You're back?"

"I don't really have anywhere else to go." Jade stormed past me, her usual entrance, stopping short when she saw Andre roll off the couch, standing up to face her. "Out." She snarled.

"I have more of a right to be here than you do!" Andre defended pathetically.

Jade drew a pair of scissors so fast, seemingly out of nowhere. She pointed them at Andre, snipping them threateningly in his direction. "If you'd like to keep the appendage you boys so desperately depend on, then I suggest you get out. Now. And believe me, you won't be the last guy I castrate."

Andre's eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets, trained on the shiny, sharp scissors in Jade's hand. He gulped, chuckling nervously. "Still carry those around, huh?" Jade answered with another vicious snip that made Andre jump. "Oh, well, um, I should go see if my grandma's calmed down, anyways. Uh… see you guys, later!"

He scarpered out of the place faster than I could blink leaving the door to swing too in his wake. I turned back to Jade, who was stuffing the scissors in her back pocket before pulling out something else, something I couldn't quite see. When she finally looked up at me, I could see her eyes were rimmed red and puffy, filled with a look so lost and full of despair.

"I got a Christmas present from Beck."

She staggered uneasily towards me, taking my hand in one of her own, clammy hands and pushed the unknown object into my palm. Her fingers pulled away and my mouth dropped open as a thin, white, plastic stick was revealed, its little screen displaying the word 'Pregnant'.

Xxx

_I was getting my books ready for my next class, humming merrily to the Ginger Fox hit Trina had been murdering as it played on the radio on the way to school, when my wrist was grabbed and I found myself being dragged into the girls bathroom, not even having a chance to close my locker door. Once inside, Jade kept a tight squeeze on my arm as she kicked open every cubical door, only finding Sinjin hidden away in the corner of one of them, who immediately ran for it the second he caught sight of the intense scowl that was gracing Jade's features. Jade shoved a trash can in front of the door as soon as he was gone, stopping anyone else from coming in, before she finally released my arm, turning to press her back against the uncovered part of the door and face me with a look of pure panic._

"_I'm late."_

_I raised an eyebrow. "How? Break's not over for another-"_

"_NO!" Jade interrupted, smacking her palm to her forehead. "I'm _late._ It's _that _time of the month and I'm late."_

_My mouth fell open in a comical O shape as my brain slowly caught on. "Ooooh. You're late…" Then my jaw dropped completely as realisation hit. "You're _late_!?"_

_Jade nodded, her eyes darting all over the room. "I think I might be…."_

_I choke as she trailed off, knowing where it was heading. "But… but how?" I stammered._

"_How do you think, Vega!?" She spat, narrowing her eyes at my dumb choice of question. "It's not like it could've been you! How dense can you get!"_

_As much as I was used to the remarks like this, it didn't stop the lash of hurt anytime Jade called me stupid. But I sucked it up, concentrating on the more important topic at hand. "I _know _that, I'm not an idiot. I meant, I thought you two were always, you know, careful… with, protection and stuff…" My voice had dropped to a whisper as I trailed off, something that, for some reason, made Jade smirk._

"_You're still such a priss, Vega." I tried to protest, but Jade sighed loudly, running a hand through her already dishevelled locks. "We are careful, but, I dunno. I think I might have forgotten to take a pill that morning and he hates using condoms, and we just got caught up in the moment, you know…" I cringed slightly, hoping it would go unnoticed. "But, I've been feeling queasy ever since and if I am then it's going to ruin _everything_, my career, my whole _life_…"_

_She started pacing, the true terror at the prospect glowing in her eyes and showing in every frown line on her face. Her hand was continuously running through her hair, a habit she only ever used when she was stressed and her breathing had become so deep and shallow, she was almost hyperventilating. I'd never, ever seen Jade in such a state before, I didn't know what to do._

"_A-are you sure you actually are?" I murmured after a while, breaking through the thick silence._

_Jade stopped mid-pace, her hand flying into her bag, rummaging around until she pulled out a rectangular box, holding it out to me. "I… I don't want to take it."_

"_In case it's positive?"_

"_No, in case a flying monkey comes out and bites me on the ass when I'm using it!" I was almost glad for Jade's sarcastic response, showing she hadn't completely had a break down over this. "Of course 'in case it's positive'! What the hell am I supposed to do if I am! My parents are strongly opposed to abortion, they'd _never_ let me have one. They'd kick me out if they found out I had. I can't put a child through the hell of adoption and who in their right mind would make me a parent? People are too scared to let me baby sit their kids! If I'm left to deal with my own child they'll turn out even more fucked up than I am!"_

"_You're not _that _fucked up." I chuckled nervously, trying to relieve some tension, only to cease immediately under Jade's glare. "I… I uh, think you should take the test, just to be 100% sure."_

"_ARE YOU SAYING I'M WRONG!?" Jade's voice grew to such a volume that I backed away from her into one of the sinks._

"_I'm just saying, it'll confirm whether or not you're-"_

"_I don't want to know! I don't want to be!" Jade roared. She screwed her eyes shut, massaging the bridge of her nose, her breathing heavy and deep. After a few moments, her shoulders lost their stiffness, her posture slumping as she began to calm down, looking at me with desperation in her eyes. "What if I am, Tori? What do I do? I can't have another life growing inside of me! I can barely handle my own."_

_I pushed myself away from the sink, gathering the shaking girl up in my arms, surprised when she didn't throw me off. I pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead, turning her around to face me, placing two fingers under her chin so I could lift her head up and look into her eyes, sparkling with unshed tears. "If you are, I will do everything in my power to help you with whatever you decide to do. You'll have me, you'll have-" I swallowed "You'll have Beck, you'll have Cat and Andre and Robbie and even Rex!" This earned a small laugh "You won't be alone."_

_"He's never gunna want to talk to me again." Jade murmured in a shuddering breath._

"_That'll make him a complete idiot." I replied, squeezing her again. Jade looked so small, gathered up in my arms, her fingers clutching at the collar of my shirt. "But, I don't think he is. He'll be here for you, Jade. You know that."_

"_How can you be so sure?" She sniffed, pushing herself away from me and wiping the corners of her eyes with her sleeve. She coughed, the noise weak and foreign from her, then reached for the test again. "I should get this over with."_

_I gestured my hands to one of the bathroom stalls she'd kicked open. "I'll be out here."_

_It didn't take long for Jade to come back out of the stall. We waited with baited breath for the results, double and triple checking the back of the box for how they would be shown. Jade was leaning against me, one hand gripping tightly to my shoulder, the other clutching the thin, white stick in front of us. Her breath hitched as we stared at the little screen, watching a single blue line appear and nothing more._

"_Negative." I whispered, as Jade let out a long sigh of relief. "See, all that worrying for nothing, eh?" I nudged her shoulder playfully and gave her a smile._

"_Well, I'm sorry, I'd just rather not be pregnant!" Jade retorted. She snapped the test in half, throwing both pieces in the trash.. "Not now, not ever."_

"_Not ever?" I repeated. "You don't ever want kids someday?"_

"_That's what 'not ever' means" Jade growled, rolling her eyes. "Were you not listening before? I can't take care of a child. Besides, they're irritating. They're whiny, and needy, and annoying, and smelly. If I wanted that, I'd get a dog. Or you."_

_I glared. "I am not smelly!"_

"_On occasion." Jade smirked. She lent over the sink, quickly touching up her make up. "We should go, or we will be late for class." She said once she was done._

_I nodded, gathering up my bag and making my way over to the door, about to push the trash can out of the way when I was stopped by fingers wrapping around my wrist once again. Jade tugged me forward, pressing her lips softly to my cheek._

"_Thank you." She murmured, her breath tickling my ear. "But if you breathe a word of this to anyone, you will regret ever setting eyes on me in the first place."_

_I gulped. "Noted. Now, let's get out of here,"_

"Pregnant!?" Trina spat the word out as if it were a bad taste on her tongue, her eyes widening and eyebrows shooting up in shock. "Like we need a miniature spawn of Satan running around!"

"Trina!" I scolded, slapping her arm that was wrapped around the link chain of the swing she was sat on, but I couldn't help the amused smile that crept onto my face.

It had been three days since Jade revealed this piece of news to me. Three days since she locked herself in my guest bedroom, without invite, and refused to say a word about it or a word to me at all. She just stayed shut in the room, the only times I'd see her were when she got hungry and raided my kitchen, or in passing to or from the bathroom. It wasn't for my lack of trying that she wouldn't speak. At first, I'd spend hours sat outside the locked door, either banging on the wood with my fist, or else just trying to talk, but she refused. By the next day, I was trying to break the damn door down, but my petit frame, and whatever heavy object she'd dragged in front of the door to stop it opening, prevented me from making much progress, besides a nasty bruise on my shoulder. I shouted empty threats through the door, about calling the police, my dad still being a cop, but it all fell on deaf ears. I had a small glimmer of hope, when she yanked the door open as I was bellowing about knowing a few of the guys at our local station, but she just barged right past and headed for the bathroom instead.

Now, it was late afternoon on the third day, December 28th, and I was sat in the park just a few blocks from my apartment with my older sister, who had dropped by to give me a late Christmas present. I was about to invite Trina in when Jade stepped out of the guest room. The two of them locked eyes for what felt like an eternity, neither saying a word, but I could see the smirk twitching the corner of Trina's lip. Eventually, they both looked away, Jade remaining expressionless as she walked into the bathroom, Trina showing off her pearly whites as she turned to look at me, her eyes gleaming in question. I immediately grabbed my coat and dragged her out the door, neither of us speaking until we reached the kids park a block away and we found ourselves in the seats of the old swing set, rocking idly back and forth as I told her everything that had happened in these past few days.

"So, she's really pregnant?" my sister asked, digging her heels into the gravel beneath to stop the slow momentum of the swing.

I pinched the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger, massaging my temple with my knuckles. "Yes, Trina. We've been over this. She showed me the test and I know she's been up early with morning sickness."- Trina made a face at the thought- "But she won't talk to me or anyone else about it! She just stays locked up in my spare room all day and night and acts as if I'm not even there!"

I brought my swing to a halt, scuffing my tattered converse shoes against the dirt beneath, the mental chains rattling as I untangled myself from them. I felt Trina's eyes on me as I hunched over, propping my elbows up on my knees and my chin in my hands.

"How do you always get caught up in other people's messes, Tor?" My sister wondered aloud.

"I always butt my nose into where it's not wanted." I answered without hesitation, knowing, from being told multiple times, that it was true. "But, this does involve me this time, Trina. I'm the one who's been having an affair with one of my best friends' girlfriends… well, wife, now."

"Yeah, but you're not the one who knocked her up." Trina tried to reason. "I hope." She added, eyeing my suspiciously.

I rolled my eyes "No, I am not the one who knocked her up, but if it wasn't for me, she'd be living with Beck right now, instead of crashing in my spare room."

Trina stood up from her seat, the swing wobbling with the loss of its occupant as she came to kneel in front of me, taking my hands in her own, slightly larger ones. I took a second to observe the obvious difference between our skin tones, whereas once it was barely noticeable, now Trina's was a lot more tan from spending hours and hours in the sun- "There's a lot more time to sunbathe without school!"- while mine was becoming pasty and pale from spending my time cooped up in my house, avoiding the outside world.

"Don't beat yourself up about this, Tori. It's not your fault… well, not entirely." Trina smiled as she played with my fingers, a somewhat comforting gesture. "It takes two to tango, and Jade isn't the innocent victim here, so don't, for one second, let her fool you into thinking she is."

I nodded slowly. "Maybe you're right."

"I always am!" Trina grinned, patting my knee. "So, what are you going to do about it this time? You're always the girl with the plan, always finding a way to fix people's problems. What've you got for us?"

I laughed at Trina's analyses, although a little bitterly. "Yeah, that's me, the girl who can fix everyone's problems but her own." Trina opened her mouth to interrupt, but I continued on. "No, seriously, Treen. This isn't one of those problems that can be fixed by me buying a dog, or letting someone punch me in the face. We're not high schoolers anymore, and this isn't a Danny, or a Steven, or a" I grimaced "a Ryder. We're talking about a married couple with a baby on the way and I- I ruined them."

I hadn't noticed how hard I was gripping my fingers into my scalp, tangling them around strands of hair, nor did I realise the sting behind my eye letting loose a tear that trickled down my cheek until Trina instinctively smoothed her thumb across it, wiping it away. "Sorry"

"Don't worry about it, sis." Trina smiled, musing my hair with her hand. She stood up, dragging me with her, and linked her arm through mine. "Besides, I know you. You'll come up with something eventually."

I sighed as we started our walk back to the flat. What was left of the dead leaves scattering the ground soggy and squishing beneath our feet, the bare trees from which they had fallen beginning to frost over with the cold. "I do have an idea," I said after a while, kicking a small pebble and watching as it skimmed across the street. "But I'm not sure it'll work, or if I like it."

"Well, there's no harm in trying!" Trina said cheerfully. She bounded ahead of me, pulling her fake fur lined coat more snugly around her against the chill, winter air "Now, come on, home wrecker! Let's go somewhere else, I'm hungry!"

"Triiiina!" I whined at her playful jab, to which she just giggled and skipped off down the damp street towards the baguette shop on the corner.

Xxx

The night was cold, the few stars dulled by the heavy clouds unleashing unforgiving rain that pelted my windshield as I drove down the familiar streets I hadn't been to in so many years. I kept my breathing in check, my jaw clenched, wanting to keep a level head for the task ahead. I knew I needed to do what was right, not what my aching heart wished, I needed to make amends for all I'd done.

The decision I'd made weighed heavy in the pit of my stomach, twisting my gut with the thoughts of what was to lose, with nothing to gain, after fighting so hard for what I wanted.

I tightened my grip on the steering wheel, forcing myself to focus on the road ahead while blinking back the all too familiar sting in my eyes. _It's all about her. It's always all about her._

"It's always all about her!" I spat my last thoughts aloud, slamming on my breaks as I hit a red light, thankful for all the 'importance of wearing a seatbelt' lectures my dad used to give me. I took a deep breath, balancing the pedals as I revved the engine in my desperation to go. If I didn't do this now, I never would.

It took a lot of work to find out where he was staying. I knew he wouldn't go home as, if the situation was reversed, I wouldn't either, too many memories to plague a haunted mind. I almost gave up, until I remember how desperate Robbie was to keep in contact with everyone after the wedding and how he had given me details for every method of contact that was available to him. When he first picked up the phone after its fifth ring, I could tell he was off with me. It was understandable, he and Beck were always such good friends, and still are, he wouldn't want to cause Beck any more pain by talking to the girl who broke up his marriage. But after some explaining, and a little sweet talking, got the still bumbling and nervous boy to spill the information I needed.

Pulling into the drive way of a place that hadn't changed a bit since I'd last been here, I was hit with dozens of memories from our school days that took place in the very home I was about to visit- from casual get-togethers to a disastrous day at the beach. But one memory stood out above them all, a guilty memory that forcefully reminded me why I was here in the first place.

"_Come on, it'll be fun!" Jade whispered, tugging my hand to get me to run faster._

"_It's wrong, Jade!" I hissed back. "We can't just break in and do _it _in here!"_

_Jade snorted as we reached our destination. I was pleased to see all the lights were off, even though I already knew no one was home, it still didn't make me feel good about what we were doing._

"_It's not breaking in, if you know where the spare key is" Jade muttered, rummaging around in a flower pot until she pulled out the small, silver object. "And stop being such a prude. Beck and I 'do it' here all the time."_

"_Yeah, great, that's just what I wanted to hear." I grumbled under my breath._

_I watched Jade as she brushed the dirt off the key then proceeded to unlock the door, her tongue poking out the side of her mouth in concentration as she wiggled the little object around until a click indicated it had worked. Jade let the RV door swing open with a smirk of triumph before nodding at me to follow her into the dark motor home, slamming said door behind us as soon as I'd stepped in._

_It smelt like Beck. The strong odour of boy mixed with his cologne and the scent of the apples that were placed in a fruit bowl over on his makeshift table. Jade flicked the light switch, illuminating his possessions, clothing, the weird collection of objects that looked like they'd been picked up at a retirement home garage sale were scattered around the place and the well made bed that Jade had already sat herself down on, taking off her boots._

"_It's not like he's going to jump out of the closet, Vega" The girl remarked when she noticed I was still stood hesitantly by the door, unable to believe I'd actually gone along with this._

"_This feels _wrong_" I protested again, yet still found my feet moving so I was stood beside her. "I know you're mad at him for going off to Canada at such short notice, but this isn't right!"_

"_We do this all the time, Vega!" I could tell Jade was getting angry with my lack of cooperation. "What difference should it make _where _we do it; the result is the same in the end!"_

_She kicked her last boot off and stood up so we were face to face, the smirk I always found irresistible playing across her lips. She reached out, her fingertips playing with the hem of my shirt, tickling the thin strip of skin exposed between it and my skinny jeans, before the garment was slowly pulled over my head, meeting no resistance._

"_No one's going to know, but you and me" She whispered as she trailed kissed along my collar bone, making me shiver at the light, soft touch. "That's the way it always is, the way it stays." She stopped abruptly to place a finger over my lips. "So, are you going to be a good girl and go along with this?"_

_I looked into those eyes at always captivated me, seeing them dark with desire, alive and electric with the knowledge of what we were doing. I gulped back my rational thoughts, something I was getting used to doing while with Jade, and nodded my head in response, watching the topaz irises sparkle with delight._

"_Good." Jade murmured as her lips reclaimed my neck, biting down hard before shoving me down onto Beck's bed. She stood over me with her hands on her hips, a smirk on her lips. "But, you're still going to have to be punished for your initial hesitation"._

I didn't know what to expect when I knocked on the RV door. Though the bulletproof glass was tinted and the curtains were drawn, I could still see the dim lights shining through, confirming that Beck was indeed here. My heart pounded painfully against my ribs with each echoing knock, each muffled step of booted feet as they made their way across the carpeted floor until they came to a halt and the handle rattled as it was opened.

The strong smell of smoke hit me hard, making me step back as I choked on the stale scent that invaded my nostrils and stung my eyes enough to water. A bitter, throaty chuckle reached my ears and I blinked up at the source, taken aback by what I saw. Beck, his usual easy going smile twisted into a sneer, his long hair matted and unkempt and his chin covered in a whiles worth of stubble. The white wife beater that hung from his thin frame was stained and looked like it had been slept in while the arm that hung limply by his side held a half drunk bottle of beer along with a joint that was yet to be lit.

"I have half a mind to just slam this door in your face." He deadpanned, his voice croaky and much unlike his own.

"But, you won't?" I tested hopefully.

He shook his head with an empty laugh. "I don't really want to spend my night listening to you try to defend yourself over what you've done." He said, turning away from me, yet leaving the RV door open.

I clambered quickly in after him, casting my eyes around at the mess in the once well kept RV. The place looked like it had been trashed, which wouldn't surprise me now, not after seeing what Beck had done to my kitchenware. The few clothes that remained here were strewn everywhere, empty takeout boxes from Nozu and various fast food joints were scattered around between other pieces of trash and the odd little knick knacks Beck had collected over the years.

"I take it Consuela hasn't been here for a while." I joked nervously, remembering the maid Beck had when I first visited his home, being hit with that ever present prang of guilt as I remember just why I was there that time too.

Beck had fallen back onto his bed and did nothing more than raise an eyebrow at me as he stuck his joint between his teeth and lit it with ease, taking a long, slow drag before exhaling in a gush of smoke.

"I didn't know you smoked." I stated, watching with a sense of fascination as he took each toke.

"Not many people do." He drew in a breath, releasing it around his words. "Not even Jade." A second puff, a smaller cloud of smoke. "See, I can have my secrets too."

I shook my head, knowing I needed to cut the idle chit chat and get on with what I was here for. I opened my mouth to speak, not sure of what to say, my heart seemed to leap to my throat and stick, not wanting me to talk at all. I'd been having the argument with myself ever since I had the idea to come here, both my head and my heart at war, each wanting me to do a different thing that was 'for the best.' I knew which one I sided with.

"Beck, I-"

"If you're here to apologise, it's a little late." The boy on the bed interrupted, holding his hand up to stop me from progressing any further. "If you're here to defend your actions by telling me you love her or some bullshit, I'm not interested."

"I'm not-"

"Or, did Jade send you?" There was a hint of mocking laughter to his voice as he shifted, swinging his legs off his too small bed, letting them hang over the edge as he lent forward, the rolled up joint burning closer to his fingers.

"No, I-"

He spoke over me once again. "'Cause, if she did, you can tell her I'm not interested in what she had to say either."

"Would you quit interrupting?" I snapped. "I'm not here to defend myself, or Jade, I'm here to try to help! Like I always am with you two!" I took a deep breath in order to calm myself. "You two can never sort out your own problems, can you?"

"Who says I want to sort this out?" Beck retorted, finally stubbing the burnt up roll up on the wall beside him. "She made her bed, she can lie in it, with you, apparently. And don't forget, Tori. You're the main root of this problem." He laughed bitterly, shaking his head. "You have been many a time before."

Confused, I took a few steps towards him, lowering myself to sit on the edge of the bed, yet still keeping my distance. He didn't seem to notice, just continued staring at the trash ridden floor. "What do you mean?" I asked quietly, watching him.

"Oh, come on, Tori." A slight smirk lifted the corner of his lips. "You know full well that, from day one, you caused Jade and I problems, ever since you spilt coffee on me on your first day at Hollywood Arts. Everything fucked up from there and has never been right since."

I frowned, vividly remembering that day, feeling the burn of the small amount of coffee that splashed back on me, the electric nerves racing through my body upon knowing the day had barely even started and I'd already made a fool of myself. Remembering looking up to see Beck's face, bemused by the incident, and my first instinct being to make even more of an idiot out of myself by trying to rub the coffee stain out of his shirt. His smile was charming, his eyes alight with amusement and for the briefest of moments I couldn't help but think he was cute. That was until she stepped into the room.

"Okay" I drew out the word, unable to deny the fact.

"You know I liked you, right?" He asked suddenly, but not bothering to wait for an answer. "Of course you do, I tried to kiss you." He waved it off with an amused huff. "I don't know what it was, a passing crush or something, but it's what always wound Jade up the most. She's always been jealous when it comes to you; always worried something more was happening or could happen between us. She never fully trusted me, _ever_, and that seemed to get worse once you arrived on the scene. I guess, yeah, she did have something to worry about for a short while, but really, it should've been me doing the worrying."

Beck's little monologue ended, and I didn't know what to say. The sound of the rain hitting the roof was deafening as it echoed through the now silent RV, broken only by the occasional click as Beck played with his lighter, watching the flame burn bright before extinguishing it, or else just letting it spark weakly. I sat still at the very edge of the bed, my fingers clasped tightly together as the rested on my knees, feeling worse and worse as I took in the tired appearance of the man beside me.

"She's pregnant, Beck." I said so quietly I almost couldn't hear myself over the pelting rain.

He stiffed, sobering immediately before turning to me slowly, eyes widened in horror, the lighter slipping from his now limb grasp. "You're fucking with me."

I hung my head, shaking it as I was unable to trust my voice, the full reality of this situation finally hitting me. I felt the bed shift and looked up to find Beck towering over me, both of his arms stiff and his hands balled into fists. I flinched and screwed my eyes shut as he made a sudden move, terrified at the irrational thought of him maybe taking a swing at me, not that I'd blame him one bit. As I should've expected, no blow came. Instead, Beck had started pacing his already well worn carpet, curling and uncurling his fists before running both hands through his tangled locks, making his hair stick up at odd angles. He was mumbling things under his breath and I could only catch the odd few words – "Can't be." "No way." "No fucking way."- over the thumping of his boots and what had now become light patters on the roof.

"Take me to see her." He rounded on me abruptly, stopping just inches away from my toes.

I blinked, squeaking "A-are you sure?"

He hesitated before nodding quickly in confirmation. "I need to hear it from her."

Xxx

_Beck had just dropped me off after our 'opposite date', a term I decided I hated only shortly after it was coined, as it was still very much like a date, only without the nice date like activities. There was a rush of different emotions coursing through me- annoyance at the nosey people at the vets, relief that, although Jade had found us, she said she was okay with it- not that there was anything to be okay with as Beck and I were _just friends- _and maybe a small ounce of happiness as, despite it all, it wasn't a truly terrible night._

_But as I walked up to my door, my mind went back to its favourite place- Jade. Of course I was shocked, terrified in fact, when she and Cat suddenly turned up, although it did explain all the strange phone calls I'd been getting from the red head all evening long. We were innocent, I knew, but I still felt like I'd been caught doing something I shouldn't. Going out with the ex of the girl I'd been secretly seeing behind his back? As if this tale wasn't twisted enough._

_Unsurprisingly, the door was unlocked and no one was downstairs. I rolled my eyes as I closed the door and clicked the lock in place; with the head of the house being a police officer, you'd think my family would be more careful when it came to security. I walked upstairs, hearing the muffled beat of Trina's music the nearer I got to the top followed by her obnoxiously loud singing as I past by. I reached my room only to find the door already slightly open, not enough to let me see in, but enough to let me know someone had been in, and were maybe still inside. I could only think of one person who pulled such a trick, so I tried to ignore the tingling rush of desire and dread as I pushed the door the remainder of the way, holding my breath in anticipation of what could possibly be to come, only to be comforted by an empty room, save for the pile of laundry I'd put in the washer this morning, clean and dry, probably brought up by mom as Trina was most likely to dump all my clothes on the floor to make room for her own._

_I felt more disappointment than relief at the fact Jade wasn't in my room. I still felt the need to explain to her that there was nothing going on between me and Beck; I still craved her touch every time we were near, every time she crossed my mind. I chuckled to myself at my neediness, I should be ashamed, but longing often took over and became my primary want, forgetting all the rest. I moved the laundry to the correct drawers and hangers in the wardrobe before changing into my pyjamas and crawled into bed, my dreams filled with what the night would be like it Jade had taken Beck's place._

_The next day, I just wanted to dig myself into a deep, dark hole and stay there. My friends were their usual selves, Beck being a little more on friendly, maybe, and greeting me with a charming story about applying ointment to his aunts dog, and Cat was just, well, Cat. It was like last night didn't even exist to her as she went into a story about her brother and their own pet dog._

_The only difference, of course, being Jade. My slightly weary "Good morning!" went completely ignored as she stormed past with her coffee in hand and the deep scowl that often graced her features firmly in place. The rest of the day was spent acting as if I didn't exist at all, which made lunch all that more awkward when we both arrived late and were forced to sit beside each other, although I'm sure the continuious brushing of her thigh against my own was no accident._

_When the bell rang for the end of Sikowitz's class, and the end of the school day, I knew this was my only chance. Wading through the thick crowds of students spilling out in the corridors, I managed to ditch the majority of my friends and grab a certain, pale, tattooed arm, yanking it and throwing the owner into the janitor's closet before she, or anyone else, knew what was happening._

"_What is your problem today, Jade!" I hissed through the darkness, not daring to turn on the light when the thin window in the door had recently had its glass replaced and the bustling students that went by would easily be able to see inside._

"_Let me out of here, Vega." Was the bored response, accompanied by Jade trying to push herself by me. I took a step back, leaning against the door, blocking her escape route._

"_You know there's a ladder that leads up to the library right behind me, don't you?" She said calmly. "I could easily climb that thing to get out of here, even in the dark."_

"_But you won't." I countered, with a lot more confidence than I felt._

"_Oh." Her voice was deep with annoyance, yet filled with surprise, obviously not expecting my chosen form of defiance when I usually resorted to shameless pleading. She took a step back herself and I could make out her crossing her arms over her chest in the dim light shining through, indicting she was listening._

"_Your problem, Jade" I repeated with emphasis._

_There was a beat of silence._

"_What the fuck are you and Beck now!?" Jade blurted, the seething anger no longer disguised. "Are you dating or something!? Have our roles been reversed!? What am I, your dirty little secret while you put on a front and date him!?"_

_I scoffed, unable to help it, at the absurd familiarity of it all. "Are you serious Jade?" I snapped. "How do you think I've been feeling the whole time this has been going on? No, I am not dating Beck, but yes you are my dirty little secret as much as I am yours, so don't you dare try to play the victim in all of this."_

_More silence, and if I couldn't still make out her faint outline, I would've thought she'd crawled up the ladder long before I had my say. My breathing had turned shallow in a surprising amount of angry that came after my speech, the only sound besides the thinning amount of students outside that was broken by a small chuckle from in front of me._

"_You have some balls, Vega." Jade's warm breath fanned across my face, causing an involuntary shudder that was swallowed as her lips met mine in the briefest of kisses. "I like that about you."_

_I frowned at the sudden change, my lips tingling at the unexpected kiss, not knowing I'd have years to get used to expecting the unexpected when it came to Jade._

"_You're mine, remember." She continued, her nose still but inches from my own. "Remember?" She repeated, more forceful. _

_All I could do was nod._

"_Good. Now, you leave through the door and I'll take the ladder. I don't want to be seen leaving with you."_

The short journey back to my place was silent. The rain had cleared but left the damp, chill air in its wake and large puddles on the roads that made a satisfying splash every time my tires broke the surface. Despite the cold night, I kept my window slightly open, the both fresh and stale smells of smoke clinging to Beck making me feel nauseous in the cramped car as it overpowered the new pine air freshener that hung from my rear view mirror. As I turned the corner to my apartment, I glanced at the clock on my dashboard to find it was gone 1am. From what I'd worked out over the time she'd been in my apartment, Jade was usually still up at this time, or so I'd gathered from the occasional small sounds I could hear from the room she'd claimed as her own.

I pulled up and parked, Beck and I getting out of the car and slamming the doors in unison.

"She's been staying with you?" Beck asked out of the blue, almost making me jump. I looked at him to see him frowning up at the apartment block, his eyes searching for which windows could be mine.

"In her own room." I reassured as we walked towards the doors. "She hasn't said a word to me since she told me the, uh, the news…"

I trailed off, but Beck nodded slowly in understanding. The creak of each stair echoed through the empty halls as we slowly made our way up, Beck trailing just behind me like a lost puppy, gripping the banister tightly to maintain his balance as the effects of everything he'd been putting into his body as of late still had a hold over him. He wobbled a bit as I stuck my key into the lock of my door, having to jiggle it with more force than normal due to the abuse it had suffered from being slammed so often. It opened with a creak of its own, and the second it did, I knew something was wrong. All the lights were out, every window closed, leaving an eerie silence to press upon my ears. I cautiously stepped in, flicking on the light beside the door so Beck could stumble in after without crashing into anything, and made my way to the living room.

"Jade?" I called out. "Jade, I know you're not talking to me, but…" I trailed off. Shouting was a bad tactic, as I would never get a response, Jade being as stubborn as she is.

"Where is she?" Beck appeared beside me, his heavy boots stomping across the floor. "Jade! Get out here, we need to talk. Now."

Still nothing. Beck and I turned to each other with matching looks of concern and confusion before I moved away, walking over to her bedroom door.

"Jade?" I said quietly, testing the handle. I gave it a quick, sharp turn and, to my extreme surprise, the door swung open, revealing the room behind it- bed made, curtains open, everything in place… I turned back to see Beck standing right behind me, easily looking over my head into the empty room. My whispered voice betrayed my sadness. "She's gone."


End file.
